Blog #14
Two weeks had passed since Alice and I had been dating but it felt more like two years. In that small amount of time we had formed, what seemed to be, an unbreakable bond and became virtually inseparable. We were an instant union, an unstoppable team that had burst into existance over night, ready to take on the world. I felt powerful, I felt at one with the Universe, I felt loved.
But who was this girl really?? Not in all my years of dating men had I experienced anything quite like what was happening between us. A couple weeks ago she was a stranger. She was a signal in my inbox that I had received a new message and nothing more. Now she was a part of me, a part of my thoughts, my day, my heart and I barely even knew her. The shear magnitude of the connection we had made in those two weeks made me wonder…..could this girl be my soul mate?? Was this intense bond the result of finally finding The One or was this simply how it felt to be in love with a woman? Would I feel this way about every girl I dated from here on out? I didn’t know the answer. All I knew was that I liked it.
This romance had happened fast, so fast that when I finally came up for air, I realized that I hadn’t even had time to mention it to anyone yet. That is until my best friend, Sammy, came to town. The best friend that I had been terrified to mention my impromptu night with Daisy to but also the best friend that loved me unconditionally and who would understand completely. I been afraid to talk to her about it then, but in the grand scheme of things, there wasn’t as much to tell. In this case, however, Alice had become such a huge part of my world, I could not, and WOULD not keep her hidden away like my dirty little secret. It was time to be brave, and honest, and quite frankly, I was dying to share this with someone. I was going to have to tell her……Buuuut I thought maybe I would practice on my Roommate, Mindy, first, before Sammy flew in. I needed a dress rehearsal with a live audience before I brought this show to the big stage.
Now Mindy, I should tell you, had, also in a very short time, become not just a roommate, but a good friend. I had liked her immediately from the moment I moved in and, although she was incredibly sweet, she was a little more conservative than I was. This left me questioning two things; how she felt about the gay community in general, and more importantly, was she going to flip the f*ck out when I told that I had just hopped on the lesbo train. It was odd, I mean, officially, this would be me coming out for the very first time, however, it would be me coming out for the very first time in the lamest way possible. What would I say?? “Um, hey there Mindy, just wanted to let you know, I may or may not, because it’s hard to know for sure but most likely it seems that I am kinda gay now. Or at the very least, I have been banging this chick for the last 2 weeks”.
The truth was, I didn’t really know either way but I had to tell her something. I needed the freedom to either spend the night at Alice’s or have her over without having to lie about it. Mindy was my friend, someone I shared my home with and I wanted her support. I knew the only thing holding me back was fear. I was worried that she might not be excepting of Alice, or me for that matter and the thought of her disapproval was weighing on me.
I decided to sleep on it for a night, in my own bed, alone, without any distractions. It would be the first night I spent away from Alice and the perfect time to collect my thoughts.
As I woke, the morning’s clarity washed over me and I was suddenly able to see the situation for all that it was. I could see now that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what Alice and I were doing. She was an incredible person who had treated me with nothing but love and respect and if ANYONE was not o.k. with it then maybe THEY are the ones that I should be disapproving of. I knew that if I wanted to hold onto this beautiful relationship that had blossomed between me and Alice I was going to have to start telling the people in my life about her……whether I was ready to or not!!
So, I marched upstairs, drank my watermelon juice, and waited for Mindy to wake up. This was the day I was coming out damnit!!!!!
-Lesbian X
