Blog #17
Janie. She was pretty…….and that’s about it. Looking back, I have tried to pinpoint what about her was so amazing, so intoxicating that Alice would betray my trust just to spend a night or two with. Looking back, I can honestly say that there isn’t anything particularly special about her. Mostly, she was just willing I guess.
Now, I say this not out of bitterness or vengeance. I say this, only, because it is the truth. Out of everyone we knew, she was the least interesting, most dull and, to be honest, was the type of person you forgot was even in the room. But, like I said, she was pretty and willing.
The worst part was that her girlfriend, Denise, was not only one of the best people I had ever met, but she was madly in love with Janie and was going to be destroyed when she found out, although, I wasn’t going to be the one to tell her.
I only knew by accident. In one of Alice’s temper tantrums she blurted it out, in what I can only imagine, as a last attempt to get one more jab in at me before I left her.
We had been laying in bed one night arguing over God knows what and I had finally had enough. I told her I needed a break from her, and that it might turn into an actual break up if things didn’t change. She rolled over and looked at me straight in the eye and said, “Well, just so you know, I slept with someone else”. Just like that, so matter of factly. As if that were going to change my mind in her favor. As if the jealousy I felt over her indiscretion would make me realize that that I couldn’t stand for her to be with anyone else send me running back into her arms…… or, like I said, maybe it was just a last attempt to get one more jab in before I left.
The funny thing was that, at this point, I didn’t even care that she’d cheated. Things had gone from a blissful beginning to shit storm of constant jealousy and arguments and, truth be told, I was looking for an easy out. I was totally in love with her but we couldn’t seem to go even one day without finding a way to make each other miserable. Sure, we’d always make up, and there is nothing like having wild, passionate make-up sex, but that thrill was wearing thin and it just wasn’t worth it to me anymore. Her little confession was just an assurance that I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t take it anymore, I was out! I did, however, have every intention of pulling every single last detail out of her before I stormed out of the room and out of this twisted, soul crushing relationship.
According to Alice it meant nothing. It was some attention thrown her way and she jumped on the opportunity (literally). The really sick part was that she did it right in front of me….the text messaging, the plotting, the lying as to why she needed to go over to Janie’s house. The sicker part was that I had no idea. The thought that she or anyone who loved me as much as she did would ever do something so deceitful and ugly had never even occurred to me, and now, it always would.
I mean I get it. The fighting had gotten out of control which in turn made me want to sleep as far on the other side of the bed as I could get. Mix that up with the jealousy that had been brewing and I could see why Alice was in such dire need of affection. The rational part of my brain understood but there was still a better part of me that wanted to get as far away from her as I possibly could. And so I got up, grabbed my things, and I left. I left her apartment, I left her and all her insecurities, I left all the arguments and the misery and, most importantly, I left behind the weight I’d been carrying on my shoulders for the last few months. I left US and I went home to my own bed where for the first time in a while, I felt peace.
I was free.
And I planned on taking full advantage of that.
-Lesbian X
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Enter the Dragon
Blog #16
Ignorance is bliss, so they say, especially when it comes to relationships. I have always been a firm believer in telling your new partner as little about your past lovers as you can possibly get away with. I realize now, that within the lesbian circle, this is extremely difficult as everyone either knows, dated, or is friends with everyone else. Alice being my first venture in to this world, I was lucky enough to have a little bit of anonymity. In our case, my past loves and lovers all happened to be male and though I thought this was slightly to my advantage, it managed to be the first driving wedge in between my new love and her sanity.
Now, we had been existing in our safe little bubble of "Lesbian" over the past month. If we left the bed at all it was to hit up places like Eleven in Weho, the popular Tuesday ladies night, or M.J.‘s in Silverlake. Even brunch was a gay event. Real Food Daily on a Sunday wasn’t just a good spot to grab some vegan pancakes, it was a who’s who of celebrity lezbos as well as a regular stop for Alice and our friends. On any given weekend you were sure to find us, along with Rona and Laurie( the badass girls from the Eagle) and newly formed couple Darcy and Cara. Glance around the room and you would probably find Guinevere Turner, Jenny Schmizu, and Saundra Bernhard all scattered about feasting on lentil walnut pate and sneering at each other from booth to booth.
This so brilliantly left little room for us to run into my old boyfriends or worse….. really good looking guys I had slept with, which I was quickly finding out to be a sore subject for my lady and sure fire way to begin a knock-down, blow-out fight!
End, honeymoon faze….Enter, the dragon!
So it was only a matter of time until we left out safe little bubble and started merging back into the real world. With Alice being insanely jealous, a run in with a male friend would usually go a little something like this:
Alice: So, who the hell was that??
Me: No one, just an old friend.
Alice: Have you sleep with that guy?
Me: Huh?? Uh…..why?
Alice: Whatya mean, "why"??? Just answer the question!!
Me: Well, uh…..yeah, I guess so but that was a really long time ago, babe.
Cue Alice flying into a fit a green rage.
Cue Me to wish I would have fucking just said “NO”
The first time it happened, I have to admit, I found it mildly amusing and sweet. In some sick, psychotic way it made me feel loved. The second time, less endearing more annoying and by the, seemingly, hundredth time, I was ready to call it quits. I mean, the reality was that I had slept with a lot of guys in this town and I was just not prepared to spend the entirety of this relationship in an argument. The fact that there were so many should have said to her that none of them really meant that much to me in the end. They were someone to spend a few fun filled nights with from time to time. But, Alice, she was my love, my everything and I had committed myself to her fully and without condition. She just couldn’t find her way into seeing it and, although I tried, I couldn’t find a way to make her.
I guess, looking back, this would be about the time she cheated on me with our friend Janie………..
-Lesbian X
Ignorance is bliss, so they say, especially when it comes to relationships. I have always been a firm believer in telling your new partner as little about your past lovers as you can possibly get away with. I realize now, that within the lesbian circle, this is extremely difficult as everyone either knows, dated, or is friends with everyone else. Alice being my first venture in to this world, I was lucky enough to have a little bit of anonymity. In our case, my past loves and lovers all happened to be male and though I thought this was slightly to my advantage, it managed to be the first driving wedge in between my new love and her sanity.
Now, we had been existing in our safe little bubble of "Lesbian" over the past month. If we left the bed at all it was to hit up places like Eleven in Weho, the popular Tuesday ladies night, or M.J.‘s in Silverlake. Even brunch was a gay event. Real Food Daily on a Sunday wasn’t just a good spot to grab some vegan pancakes, it was a who’s who of celebrity lezbos as well as a regular stop for Alice and our friends. On any given weekend you were sure to find us, along with Rona and Laurie( the badass girls from the Eagle) and newly formed couple Darcy and Cara. Glance around the room and you would probably find Guinevere Turner, Jenny Schmizu, and Saundra Bernhard all scattered about feasting on lentil walnut pate and sneering at each other from booth to booth.
This so brilliantly left little room for us to run into my old boyfriends or worse….. really good looking guys I had slept with, which I was quickly finding out to be a sore subject for my lady and sure fire way to begin a knock-down, blow-out fight!
End, honeymoon faze….Enter, the dragon!
So it was only a matter of time until we left out safe little bubble and started merging back into the real world. With Alice being insanely jealous, a run in with a male friend would usually go a little something like this:
Alice: So, who the hell was that??
Me: No one, just an old friend.
Alice: Have you sleep with that guy?
Me: Huh?? Uh…..why?
Alice: Whatya mean, "why"??? Just answer the question!!
Me: Well, uh…..yeah, I guess so but that was a really long time ago, babe.
Cue Alice flying into a fit a green rage.
Cue Me to wish I would have fucking just said “NO”
The first time it happened, I have to admit, I found it mildly amusing and sweet. In some sick, psychotic way it made me feel loved. The second time, less endearing more annoying and by the, seemingly, hundredth time, I was ready to call it quits. I mean, the reality was that I had slept with a lot of guys in this town and I was just not prepared to spend the entirety of this relationship in an argument. The fact that there were so many should have said to her that none of them really meant that much to me in the end. They were someone to spend a few fun filled nights with from time to time. But, Alice, she was my love, my everything and I had committed myself to her fully and without condition. She just couldn’t find her way into seeing it and, although I tried, I couldn’t find a way to make her.
I guess, looking back, this would be about the time she cheated on me with our friend Janie………..
-Lesbian X
Sunday, December 5, 2010
The Truth
Blog #15
Is 10am too early for a cocktail?? Cuz I could have really used one. I sat upstairs playing nervously on my computer and debating this question to myself. Mindy was usually up before me but, the bitch, (I mean my lovely and adored roommate) hadn’t come out of her room yet. The suspense was damn near killing me. I had worked up the nerve to “come out” to her this morning but I’m afraid my adrenaline surge was wearing dangerously thin. She would have to surface sooner or later. We were barbecuing this afternoon…….well, our roommate was barbequing this afternoon but we would definitely be eating it so I knew she would be wandering my way eventually. I needed to tell her before our guests arrived as Alice would be one of them.
There was nothing I could do but wait, however, the longer I sat there the less convinced I was that I would actually go through with it. Every minute that passed seemed to bring this impending doom one step closer and the ticking of the clock above my computer was starting to drive me mad. What was this, a scene out of a bad French noir film?? Who has clocks anymore, anyhow?? And what the hell was Mindy doing in there?!?
I resolved to pass the time by auditioning different scenarios as to how I would brake the news in my head. Uh, yeeeeeah……. that wasn’t helping.
Finally, she emerged!! Mindy strolled out of that black hole of a bedroom with her always cheery demeanor in tact. Usually, I would find this adorable, today, though, it was a little much. After an hour of anxiously waiting in shear and utter terror, I kinda needed her to tone it down a bit. I swear every time she enters a room I picture cartoon forest creatures with impossibly long eyelashes fluttering at her feet. She just had the fairytale combo of beauty and innocence that screamed Disney heroine. Was I about to shatter that innocence?? I wondered how Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty would have taken the news. Would Cinderella break into song about how she loved me know matter what, or throw her hand over her forehead in dramatic gesture and run far, far away? I smiled awkwardly in her direction at the thought.
As she plopped down on the couch near the office nook I had been lurking in all day, Mindy said “good morning” and struck up some idle chit chat about the day’s event. If she only knew what I was really thinking. All the while we were mindlessly discussing potato salad I was secretly plotting my segway into the big L bomb. I knew I didn’t have much time. She would probably disappear into the bathroom soon to shower etc so I needed to step up and seize the moment while I had her full, undivided attention. This was it, the big moment, now or never!! The impending doom not only came one step closer but actually began to settle into my skin. I felt like a medieval messenger sent to deliver word of a warfront coming. Was she going to welcome me with open arms or shoot me dead for delivering the bad news?
Suddenly, I became aware of another conversation happening around me. Wait….. amidst my psychotic fantasies of being hung in front of a crowd of angry peasants, I could hear someone speaking………oh no, I could hear myself speaking……to Mindy!!! Oh god, what was I saying?? Somehow my anxiety had taken full control of my brain and was talking for me. I heard the words “so I think I have a girlfriend” go flying across the room into Mindy’s ear in the type of slow motion one only hears when half conscious. Something inside myself had taken over and outed me!!!
Holy crap, I did it!! It was done! Somehow, I had managed to get the words out, although barely consciously so. A wave of sweet relief washed over me and brought me crashing back to reality. I focused my attention back to Mindy as I waited for what seemed like an eternity for her response. It was out there. Forever. I had said it out loud and now I couldn’t take it back. And I was glad it was. You know, what ever her reaction was to be, good or bad, loving or hateful, it really didn‘t matter in this moment anymore. I realized that just saying it out loud to another human being was more gratifying than her acceptance would ever be. Her opinion mattered but I didn’t need her approval anymore. Still, though, I was curious to see her reaction.
I looked at her, and in all my shock/ relief/new found self love, I began to burst out laughing. I mean, it was kind of funny. What a random thing to say to your roommate first thing in the morning.
Mindy looked back at me, stunned for a moment, and then, to my complete shock and delight, she laughed back. SHE LAUGHED!! We laughed, together, at the same time. She was so unfazed by this declaration, so cool about it, that I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. I really hadn’t given her enough credit. We were still getting to know each other so my reservations were valid, sure, but as God as my witness I would never doubt this girl again. We sat together on the couch and I began to tell her all about my little journey. Mindy took the news like a champ and in true girly style she wanted alllllllll the details. In fact, this seemed to bring us even closer together as roommates and friends.
My honesty seemed to have really paid off in the end. If nothing else, this was a major life lesson for me. From this point on I would always be confident and proud of who I am and I would always tell the truth. If for no other reason than to sit back and marvel at what doors those two simple things will open for you along the way.
-Lesbian X
Is 10am too early for a cocktail?? Cuz I could have really used one. I sat upstairs playing nervously on my computer and debating this question to myself. Mindy was usually up before me but, the bitch, (I mean my lovely and adored roommate) hadn’t come out of her room yet. The suspense was damn near killing me. I had worked up the nerve to “come out” to her this morning but I’m afraid my adrenaline surge was wearing dangerously thin. She would have to surface sooner or later. We were barbecuing this afternoon…….well, our roommate was barbequing this afternoon but we would definitely be eating it so I knew she would be wandering my way eventually. I needed to tell her before our guests arrived as Alice would be one of them.
There was nothing I could do but wait, however, the longer I sat there the less convinced I was that I would actually go through with it. Every minute that passed seemed to bring this impending doom one step closer and the ticking of the clock above my computer was starting to drive me mad. What was this, a scene out of a bad French noir film?? Who has clocks anymore, anyhow?? And what the hell was Mindy doing in there?!?
I resolved to pass the time by auditioning different scenarios as to how I would brake the news in my head. Uh, yeeeeeah……. that wasn’t helping.
Finally, she emerged!! Mindy strolled out of that black hole of a bedroom with her always cheery demeanor in tact. Usually, I would find this adorable, today, though, it was a little much. After an hour of anxiously waiting in shear and utter terror, I kinda needed her to tone it down a bit. I swear every time she enters a room I picture cartoon forest creatures with impossibly long eyelashes fluttering at her feet. She just had the fairytale combo of beauty and innocence that screamed Disney heroine. Was I about to shatter that innocence?? I wondered how Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty would have taken the news. Would Cinderella break into song about how she loved me know matter what, or throw her hand over her forehead in dramatic gesture and run far, far away? I smiled awkwardly in her direction at the thought.
As she plopped down on the couch near the office nook I had been lurking in all day, Mindy said “good morning” and struck up some idle chit chat about the day’s event. If she only knew what I was really thinking. All the while we were mindlessly discussing potato salad I was secretly plotting my segway into the big L bomb. I knew I didn’t have much time. She would probably disappear into the bathroom soon to shower etc so I needed to step up and seize the moment while I had her full, undivided attention. This was it, the big moment, now or never!! The impending doom not only came one step closer but actually began to settle into my skin. I felt like a medieval messenger sent to deliver word of a warfront coming. Was she going to welcome me with open arms or shoot me dead for delivering the bad news?
Suddenly, I became aware of another conversation happening around me. Wait….. amidst my psychotic fantasies of being hung in front of a crowd of angry peasants, I could hear someone speaking………oh no, I could hear myself speaking……to Mindy!!! Oh god, what was I saying?? Somehow my anxiety had taken full control of my brain and was talking for me. I heard the words “so I think I have a girlfriend” go flying across the room into Mindy’s ear in the type of slow motion one only hears when half conscious. Something inside myself had taken over and outed me!!!
Holy crap, I did it!! It was done! Somehow, I had managed to get the words out, although barely consciously so. A wave of sweet relief washed over me and brought me crashing back to reality. I focused my attention back to Mindy as I waited for what seemed like an eternity for her response. It was out there. Forever. I had said it out loud and now I couldn’t take it back. And I was glad it was. You know, what ever her reaction was to be, good or bad, loving or hateful, it really didn‘t matter in this moment anymore. I realized that just saying it out loud to another human being was more gratifying than her acceptance would ever be. Her opinion mattered but I didn’t need her approval anymore. Still, though, I was curious to see her reaction.
I looked at her, and in all my shock/ relief/new found self love, I began to burst out laughing. I mean, it was kind of funny. What a random thing to say to your roommate first thing in the morning.
Mindy looked back at me, stunned for a moment, and then, to my complete shock and delight, she laughed back. SHE LAUGHED!! We laughed, together, at the same time. She was so unfazed by this declaration, so cool about it, that I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. I really hadn’t given her enough credit. We were still getting to know each other so my reservations were valid, sure, but as God as my witness I would never doubt this girl again. We sat together on the couch and I began to tell her all about my little journey. Mindy took the news like a champ and in true girly style she wanted alllllllll the details. In fact, this seemed to bring us even closer together as roommates and friends.
My honesty seemed to have really paid off in the end. If nothing else, this was a major life lesson for me. From this point on I would always be confident and proud of who I am and I would always tell the truth. If for no other reason than to sit back and marvel at what doors those two simple things will open for you along the way.
-Lesbian X
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Out
Blog #14
Two weeks had passed since Alice and I had been dating but it felt more like two years. In that small amount of time we had formed, what seemed to be, an unbreakable bond and became virtually inseparable. We were an instant union, an unstoppable team that had burst into existance over night, ready to take on the world. I felt powerful, I felt at one with the Universe, I felt loved.
But who was this girl really?? Not in all my years of dating men had I experienced anything quite like what was happening between us. A couple weeks ago she was a stranger. She was a signal in my inbox that I had received a new message and nothing more. Now she was a part of me, a part of my thoughts, my day, my heart and I barely even knew her. The shear magnitude of the connection we had made in those two weeks made me wonder…..could this girl be my soul mate?? Was this intense bond the result of finally finding The One or was this simply how it felt to be in love with a woman? Would I feel this way about every girl I dated from here on out? I didn’t know the answer. All I knew was that I liked it.
This romance had happened fast, so fast that when I finally came up for air, I realized that I hadn’t even had time to mention it to anyone yet. That is until my best friend, Sammy, came to town. The best friend that I had been terrified to mention my impromptu night with Daisy to but also the best friend that loved me unconditionally and who would understand completely. I been afraid to talk to her about it then, but in the grand scheme of things, there wasn’t as much to tell. In this case, however, Alice had become such a huge part of my world, I could not, and WOULD not keep her hidden away like my dirty little secret. It was time to be brave, and honest, and quite frankly, I was dying to share this with someone. I was going to have to tell her……Buuuut I thought maybe I would practice on my Roommate, Mindy, first, before Sammy flew in. I needed a dress rehearsal with a live audience before I brought this show to the big stage.
Now Mindy, I should tell you, had, also in a very short time, become not just a roommate, but a good friend. I had liked her immediately from the moment I moved in and, although she was incredibly sweet, she was a little more conservative than I was. This left me questioning two things; how she felt about the gay community in general, and more importantly, was she going to flip the f*ck out when I told that I had just hopped on the lesbo train. It was odd, I mean, officially, this would be me coming out for the very first time, however, it would be me coming out for the very first time in the lamest way possible. What would I say?? “Um, hey there Mindy, just wanted to let you know, I may or may not, because it’s hard to know for sure but most likely it seems that I am kinda gay now. Or at the very least, I have been banging this chick for the last 2 weeks”.
The truth was, I didn’t really know either way but I had to tell her something. I needed the freedom to either spend the night at Alice’s or have her over without having to lie about it. Mindy was my friend, someone I shared my home with and I wanted her support. I knew the only thing holding me back was fear. I was worried that she might not be excepting of Alice, or me for that matter and the thought of her disapproval was weighing on me.
I decided to sleep on it for a night, in my own bed, alone, without any distractions. It would be the first night I spent away from Alice and the perfect time to collect my thoughts.
As I woke, the morning’s clarity washed over me and I was suddenly able to see the situation for all that it was. I could see now that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what Alice and I were doing. She was an incredible person who had treated me with nothing but love and respect and if ANYONE was not o.k. with it then maybe THEY are the ones that I should be disapproving of. I knew that if I wanted to hold onto this beautiful relationship that had blossomed between me and Alice I was going to have to start telling the people in my life about her……whether I was ready to or not!!
So, I marched upstairs, drank my watermelon juice, and waited for Mindy to wake up. This was the day I was coming out damnit!!!!!
-Lesbian X
Two weeks had passed since Alice and I had been dating but it felt more like two years. In that small amount of time we had formed, what seemed to be, an unbreakable bond and became virtually inseparable. We were an instant union, an unstoppable team that had burst into existance over night, ready to take on the world. I felt powerful, I felt at one with the Universe, I felt loved.
But who was this girl really?? Not in all my years of dating men had I experienced anything quite like what was happening between us. A couple weeks ago she was a stranger. She was a signal in my inbox that I had received a new message and nothing more. Now she was a part of me, a part of my thoughts, my day, my heart and I barely even knew her. The shear magnitude of the connection we had made in those two weeks made me wonder…..could this girl be my soul mate?? Was this intense bond the result of finally finding The One or was this simply how it felt to be in love with a woman? Would I feel this way about every girl I dated from here on out? I didn’t know the answer. All I knew was that I liked it.
This romance had happened fast, so fast that when I finally came up for air, I realized that I hadn’t even had time to mention it to anyone yet. That is until my best friend, Sammy, came to town. The best friend that I had been terrified to mention my impromptu night with Daisy to but also the best friend that loved me unconditionally and who would understand completely. I been afraid to talk to her about it then, but in the grand scheme of things, there wasn’t as much to tell. In this case, however, Alice had become such a huge part of my world, I could not, and WOULD not keep her hidden away like my dirty little secret. It was time to be brave, and honest, and quite frankly, I was dying to share this with someone. I was going to have to tell her……Buuuut I thought maybe I would practice on my Roommate, Mindy, first, before Sammy flew in. I needed a dress rehearsal with a live audience before I brought this show to the big stage.
Now Mindy, I should tell you, had, also in a very short time, become not just a roommate, but a good friend. I had liked her immediately from the moment I moved in and, although she was incredibly sweet, she was a little more conservative than I was. This left me questioning two things; how she felt about the gay community in general, and more importantly, was she going to flip the f*ck out when I told that I had just hopped on the lesbo train. It was odd, I mean, officially, this would be me coming out for the very first time, however, it would be me coming out for the very first time in the lamest way possible. What would I say?? “Um, hey there Mindy, just wanted to let you know, I may or may not, because it’s hard to know for sure but most likely it seems that I am kinda gay now. Or at the very least, I have been banging this chick for the last 2 weeks”.
The truth was, I didn’t really know either way but I had to tell her something. I needed the freedom to either spend the night at Alice’s or have her over without having to lie about it. Mindy was my friend, someone I shared my home with and I wanted her support. I knew the only thing holding me back was fear. I was worried that she might not be excepting of Alice, or me for that matter and the thought of her disapproval was weighing on me.
I decided to sleep on it for a night, in my own bed, alone, without any distractions. It would be the first night I spent away from Alice and the perfect time to collect my thoughts.
As I woke, the morning’s clarity washed over me and I was suddenly able to see the situation for all that it was. I could see now that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what Alice and I were doing. She was an incredible person who had treated me with nothing but love and respect and if ANYONE was not o.k. with it then maybe THEY are the ones that I should be disapproving of. I knew that if I wanted to hold onto this beautiful relationship that had blossomed between me and Alice I was going to have to start telling the people in my life about her……whether I was ready to or not!!
So, I marched upstairs, drank my watermelon juice, and waited for Mindy to wake up. This was the day I was coming out damnit!!!!!
-Lesbian X
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Hi there!! So I'm interupting this story for an important message. Just wanted you know that I am not dead, and I haven't moved to India, nor would I ever dream of leaving you hanging. I have just been too busy to get the next blog done. I know, I know, I suck! Please stay tuned as I PROMISE I will bring you the next installment as soon as I can!
XOXO
Lesbian X
XOXO
Lesbian X
Sunday, September 26, 2010
The Eagle
Blog # 13
Persistence. There is something to be said about persistence in general. Mostly, that it is the key to success on any measure. In the game of LOVE, it is virtually essential. Alice had it in spades. After a whirlwind first date, she had played it cool for exactly 5 seconds and then started in again. Her persistency, however, was met equally with a confidence unlike any I’d seen for quite sometime and, just to be clear, this was not arrogance disguised as confidence as is so commonly the case. This was pure bravado brought forth by someone that knew their faults but also recognized their strengths and the fact they greatly outweighed any little flaws here and there. In a town where even the best of the best still feel they’ll never measure up, never be beautiful enough, will never be deserving of love, this girl had none of that bullshit floating around her head and, lemme tell you, it was so refreshing. She asked to see me again and I was all for it……I could use a little old fashion bravado in my life.
We met up for date number two and headed out to The Eagle in Silverlake to meet up with some of her friends. Now, The Eagle, for those of you that are unfamiliar, is not your typical queer bar. It is a full on, no apologies, in your face, boys in studded chokers, BEAR BAR. Odd place for a bunch of dykes to meet up for a drink but they did have a pool table. And if there’s one thing a lesbian likes, even more than drama, it’s a good game of pool. I have to admit I was a bit nervous walking in. You never know with these girls and their circles. Lesbians travel in pacts and from tribe to tribe you will find that those pacts are small and tight knit. New comers are not always welcomed and if you stood any chance in hell, you better be bringing something good to the party.
As we walked in I spotted her friends right off the bat. Not hard to do in a room full of shirtless men in leather chaps. We strolled over to the pool table where they were already mid game and Alice introduced me to some of her clan. I met Lexie, her sometimes lesbian but mostly straight best friend, and then Laurie and her new girlfriend, Rona.
These girls were ALL HOT! Not just pretty, HOTT. Like BAD-ASS HOTT. They were like some old school, all-girl motorcycle gang with their tattoos and leather jackets and cool hair cuts. I noticed that my jaw was dangling just below the floor….I mean, I was practically drooling. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, these were the girls of my dreams/everything I always wished I was. All my Joan Jett childhood fantasies came racing into my head and it was as if I was 12 years old again watching the “I Love Rock n’ Roll” video on Mtv (when Mtv actually played them).
I felt so completely lame in comparison. I was a little out of my league here but I couldn’t just stand there staring at them like crazy person so I politely said my “hello’s” and tried to think fast. The last thing I wanted them to do was sense my sheer and utter panic at how desperately nerdy I was….lesbian’s are like wild animals, they can smell the fear. I really wanted to make a good impression so I had to think quickly....hmmmm, maybe tequila? Yeaaaah, TEQUILA!! Tequila might be the best way!! I offered up a round of shots at the bar on me as I figured that’s what a cool, all-girl, motorcycle gang would drink…..turns out I was right on the money. Pheeeew!
Liquored up and now miles more at ease, I was starting to enjoy myself. I had managed to distract them from the looming fact that I was kind of a giant dork when out of nowhere I was asked to join in for a game of pool.
Oh God! Oh NO….Not pool….. Crap!!! I had just won them over with a shot of cheap booze. Why, dear Lord, did they have to ask me to play? I could feel the sweat starting to bead up on my forehead. You’d think they’d just asked me to join them in armed robbery not an innocent game of doubles. What the hell???? How was I supposed to compete with them at pool? These girls were probably hanging out in pool halls when I was at home playing with my Barbie dream house and My Little Ponies. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if there was an actual lobe in their brain designated to provide all things necessary for coolness. They were like demi-gods and playing pool just came naturally to them like breathing would for rest of us mere mortals sharing their planet. Sweet Jesus, how was I going to get out of this one without total, annihilating humiliation??
I turned to Alice with what I can only imagine to be a combing look of confusion, nausea and evil plotting. I had an overwhelming impulse to throw my drink up in the air and run for the hills but let’s face it, how do you recover from a move like that? I would forever be known as that weird girl who ran out crying like a mad woman at the mere suggestion of a game of pool. What kind of a lunatic behaves that way? I was not a lunaitc!! A little intimidated, maybe. Slightly drunk and overly dramatic, YES! What else could I do other than smile and say to the group, “Sure! Sounds like fun”.
Like a true gallant Alice graciously guided me through the finer points of the game, as she herself was quite a good player. I surprised myself at how not completely awful I was. I even sank a ball or two. In fact, I was actually liking this game. My competitive spirit came out to play and low and behold we won!! All thanks to Alice, mind you, but technically, I was on the winning team and damnit, it felt good!
As the night wound up it was time to go and, reluctantly, I said goodbye to her friends. I really liked these girls. Sure, I had a tiny, little, internal meltdown at one point but that was ancient history by now. I had held it together and eventually overcame and ended up having a really fun night! Alice had been adorable throughout and, although, I was crushing on pretty much every new girl I met, I couldn’t wait to go home with her.
We went back to her place and in continuation of the wonderful night we‘d had together, made love. It felt real this time. I felt in charge. The night I’d spent with Daisy was silly and fun, but this was something more. This felt like the start of something special yet a true homecoming at the same time. And when we were finished there was no question of whether or not I would stay the night; no worry in my mind that we had rushed things. This felt like exactly where I was supposed to be. Anything we did from this point on would be together. As in true lesbian fashion, by the second date she was already mine and I hers.
-Lesbian X
Persistence. There is something to be said about persistence in general. Mostly, that it is the key to success on any measure. In the game of LOVE, it is virtually essential. Alice had it in spades. After a whirlwind first date, she had played it cool for exactly 5 seconds and then started in again. Her persistency, however, was met equally with a confidence unlike any I’d seen for quite sometime and, just to be clear, this was not arrogance disguised as confidence as is so commonly the case. This was pure bravado brought forth by someone that knew their faults but also recognized their strengths and the fact they greatly outweighed any little flaws here and there. In a town where even the best of the best still feel they’ll never measure up, never be beautiful enough, will never be deserving of love, this girl had none of that bullshit floating around her head and, lemme tell you, it was so refreshing. She asked to see me again and I was all for it……I could use a little old fashion bravado in my life.
We met up for date number two and headed out to The Eagle in Silverlake to meet up with some of her friends. Now, The Eagle, for those of you that are unfamiliar, is not your typical queer bar. It is a full on, no apologies, in your face, boys in studded chokers, BEAR BAR. Odd place for a bunch of dykes to meet up for a drink but they did have a pool table. And if there’s one thing a lesbian likes, even more than drama, it’s a good game of pool. I have to admit I was a bit nervous walking in. You never know with these girls and their circles. Lesbians travel in pacts and from tribe to tribe you will find that those pacts are small and tight knit. New comers are not always welcomed and if you stood any chance in hell, you better be bringing something good to the party.
As we walked in I spotted her friends right off the bat. Not hard to do in a room full of shirtless men in leather chaps. We strolled over to the pool table where they were already mid game and Alice introduced me to some of her clan. I met Lexie, her sometimes lesbian but mostly straight best friend, and then Laurie and her new girlfriend, Rona.
These girls were ALL HOT! Not just pretty, HOTT. Like BAD-ASS HOTT. They were like some old school, all-girl motorcycle gang with their tattoos and leather jackets and cool hair cuts. I noticed that my jaw was dangling just below the floor….I mean, I was practically drooling. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, these were the girls of my dreams/everything I always wished I was. All my Joan Jett childhood fantasies came racing into my head and it was as if I was 12 years old again watching the “I Love Rock n’ Roll” video on Mtv (when Mtv actually played them).
I felt so completely lame in comparison. I was a little out of my league here but I couldn’t just stand there staring at them like crazy person so I politely said my “hello’s” and tried to think fast. The last thing I wanted them to do was sense my sheer and utter panic at how desperately nerdy I was….lesbian’s are like wild animals, they can smell the fear. I really wanted to make a good impression so I had to think quickly....hmmmm, maybe tequila? Yeaaaah, TEQUILA!! Tequila might be the best way!! I offered up a round of shots at the bar on me as I figured that’s what a cool, all-girl, motorcycle gang would drink…..turns out I was right on the money. Pheeeew!
Liquored up and now miles more at ease, I was starting to enjoy myself. I had managed to distract them from the looming fact that I was kind of a giant dork when out of nowhere I was asked to join in for a game of pool.
Oh God! Oh NO….Not pool….. Crap!!! I had just won them over with a shot of cheap booze. Why, dear Lord, did they have to ask me to play? I could feel the sweat starting to bead up on my forehead. You’d think they’d just asked me to join them in armed robbery not an innocent game of doubles. What the hell???? How was I supposed to compete with them at pool? These girls were probably hanging out in pool halls when I was at home playing with my Barbie dream house and My Little Ponies. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if there was an actual lobe in their brain designated to provide all things necessary for coolness. They were like demi-gods and playing pool just came naturally to them like breathing would for rest of us mere mortals sharing their planet. Sweet Jesus, how was I going to get out of this one without total, annihilating humiliation??
I turned to Alice with what I can only imagine to be a combing look of confusion, nausea and evil plotting. I had an overwhelming impulse to throw my drink up in the air and run for the hills but let’s face it, how do you recover from a move like that? I would forever be known as that weird girl who ran out crying like a mad woman at the mere suggestion of a game of pool. What kind of a lunatic behaves that way? I was not a lunaitc!! A little intimidated, maybe. Slightly drunk and overly dramatic, YES! What else could I do other than smile and say to the group, “Sure! Sounds like fun”.
Like a true gallant Alice graciously guided me through the finer points of the game, as she herself was quite a good player. I surprised myself at how not completely awful I was. I even sank a ball or two. In fact, I was actually liking this game. My competitive spirit came out to play and low and behold we won!! All thanks to Alice, mind you, but technically, I was on the winning team and damnit, it felt good!
As the night wound up it was time to go and, reluctantly, I said goodbye to her friends. I really liked these girls. Sure, I had a tiny, little, internal meltdown at one point but that was ancient history by now. I had held it together and eventually overcame and ended up having a really fun night! Alice had been adorable throughout and, although, I was crushing on pretty much every new girl I met, I couldn’t wait to go home with her.
We went back to her place and in continuation of the wonderful night we‘d had together, made love. It felt real this time. I felt in charge. The night I’d spent with Daisy was silly and fun, but this was something more. This felt like the start of something special yet a true homecoming at the same time. And when we were finished there was no question of whether or not I would stay the night; no worry in my mind that we had rushed things. This felt like exactly where I was supposed to be. Anything we did from this point on would be together. As in true lesbian fashion, by the second date she was already mine and I hers.
-Lesbian X
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The Palms
Blog #12
In true, new found “lesbian in demand” status, I woke the morning following my date with Alice thinking one thing……"hmmmm, I wonder what Michelle is doing today? Better yet, what‘s up with that girl, Maria, she introduced me to the other night and how bummed would she be if I got her number?” I was beginning to understand why the life form that seems to flourish around groups of women (better known as DRAMA) existed in such high volumes. Was I starting to think like a man? While tapping into the more masculine side of myself was I subsequently tapping into a male’s innate sensibilities (i.e. wanting to spread their seed and screw as many girls humanly possible)? I wasn’t sure if this was a gay thing, or if the newness of it all had invaded my sense of boundaries and pushed them back a football field or two. All I knew was that I couldn’t wait to see what would happen next and with whom!
I sent Michelle a text asking what she was up to for the day and she told me to come visit her at work. She had a side job bartending at The Palms on Sundays. This was too bizarre to pass up and so I decided to head over at once.
As I mentioned before, The Palms was the oldest and (now) the ONLY lesbian bar that existed in West Hollywood. Everywhere else was either mixed or predominately men. Now, being that it is the only all-girls-all-the-time bar in LA, you would think that it would be crawling with women…….this could not be farther from the truth. In fact, at any given time, there is an average of about 3 women in attendance, all of whom are sweating through the hot flashes of menopause. And let me tell you, not only are these not the cute, trendy, 20 something lesbians you’d expect to find roaming around WeHo but these are some tough-ass, butched out, woman in their 50’s and 60’s, and if you spend 5 minutes talking to them, you’ll find, the pioneers and trailblazers of our community. They were the soldiers on the front line of gay rights. These woman are rough around the edges but for good reason. They came from a completely different, non-accepting generation where if you were brave enough to be an “out” lesbian, you had to have a thick skin and a presence that said to the world, “you don’t have to agree with my lifestyle but you sure as hell better keep it to yourself if you know what’s good for you”. It was what these women had to wear in protection from the ignorant world at large like a modern day suit of armor. I have nothing but respect for these ladies. It took balls of steel to come out in their day and, although, I admire them greatly and have enjoyed many an informing conversation with them, it was not an inviting venue to spend a vivacious Sunday afternoon in. It was a beautiful day out. Most people would be sipping on mixed-berry martinis at the Abby. I, however, was headed to The Palms…… a virtual retirement community, a dark cave where lesbians went to die.
I rolled up to Santa Monica Blvd and, surprise, surprise, there was ample parking right in front. I strolled into the bar and walked inside but I felt more like I was walking into a time warp. The place was about as dimly lit as you could comfortably make it, I almost expected to see a family of bats hanging upside down in the corner. Out of my left peripheral view I spotted an older lady sitting alone at the bar playing one of those video gaming machines. Eh hem…..what did I tell you! I panned slightly to the right and spotted Michelle behind the bar. She was so out of place in this scene and I liked her all the more for it! To my sheer and utter delight, as I panned even further to the right I noticed Maria sitting at the bar as well. Um…whoa, ask and ye shall receive. This was the girl we had hung out with a bit at Truck Stop and the girl I had formed an immediate, all mind you, totally inappropriate crush on . She was the good friend and, as I was about to learn, Ex-GF, of Michelle from a couple years back. I had been hoping to run into her again, although, preferably, not while I was coming to hit on Michelle …….but ,hey, I guess beggars can’t be choosers. I took a seat next to Maria and Michelle poured me a drink. Though, I'm not sure how convincing I was, I tried the best I could to hide my, seriously, growing infatuation for Maria as the three of us drank and shot the breeze. Michelle was an amazing girl, and, don’t get me wrong, I was definitely still very much interested in getting to know her but, I have to admit, I was wildly attracted to her friend.
When I asked how they knew each other (I was hoping it wasn’t very well) Michelle preceded to pull out a napkin and pen to draw me a little map in explanation. She wrote down a few names and then connected them with dots and lines as she went through the line up of how she and Maria were connected. Wait a second!!!! I know this game, it was straight off an episode of the L Word. This was “The Chart”!! She explained how they had been friends, and then dated until Michelle took off with another girl at Dinah Shore Weekend leaving Maria in the dust. This had, as they all seem to eventually do in these lesbian circles, ended up with the two of them becoming better friends for it. Oh man, this was going to take some getting used to for me. So, not only were they best friends now but they had been in love at one point in time, which screamed to me, "fat chance of hopping ship and sailing off into the sunset with the ships bff."
As the day went on I found myself liking Maria more and more, but Michelle was definitely holding her own. I was new to the scene and wanting to make some friends so I decided that hitting on Maria would be a serious step in the wrong direction. I didn’t want to get a sleezy reputation, at least not this soon in the game so I pulled back my focus and sent it shooting back towards Michelle. I really liked hanging out with these girls and who knows what would happen in the future with Maria, but, for now, I would have to settle on just being fiends.
-Lesbian X
In true, new found “lesbian in demand” status, I woke the morning following my date with Alice thinking one thing……"hmmmm, I wonder what Michelle is doing today? Better yet, what‘s up with that girl, Maria, she introduced me to the other night and how bummed would she be if I got her number?” I was beginning to understand why the life form that seems to flourish around groups of women (better known as DRAMA) existed in such high volumes. Was I starting to think like a man? While tapping into the more masculine side of myself was I subsequently tapping into a male’s innate sensibilities (i.e. wanting to spread their seed and screw as many girls humanly possible)? I wasn’t sure if this was a gay thing, or if the newness of it all had invaded my sense of boundaries and pushed them back a football field or two. All I knew was that I couldn’t wait to see what would happen next and with whom!
I sent Michelle a text asking what she was up to for the day and she told me to come visit her at work. She had a side job bartending at The Palms on Sundays. This was too bizarre to pass up and so I decided to head over at once.
As I mentioned before, The Palms was the oldest and (now) the ONLY lesbian bar that existed in West Hollywood. Everywhere else was either mixed or predominately men. Now, being that it is the only all-girls-all-the-time bar in LA, you would think that it would be crawling with women…….this could not be farther from the truth. In fact, at any given time, there is an average of about 3 women in attendance, all of whom are sweating through the hot flashes of menopause. And let me tell you, not only are these not the cute, trendy, 20 something lesbians you’d expect to find roaming around WeHo but these are some tough-ass, butched out, woman in their 50’s and 60’s, and if you spend 5 minutes talking to them, you’ll find, the pioneers and trailblazers of our community. They were the soldiers on the front line of gay rights. These woman are rough around the edges but for good reason. They came from a completely different, non-accepting generation where if you were brave enough to be an “out” lesbian, you had to have a thick skin and a presence that said to the world, “you don’t have to agree with my lifestyle but you sure as hell better keep it to yourself if you know what’s good for you”. It was what these women had to wear in protection from the ignorant world at large like a modern day suit of armor. I have nothing but respect for these ladies. It took balls of steel to come out in their day and, although, I admire them greatly and have enjoyed many an informing conversation with them, it was not an inviting venue to spend a vivacious Sunday afternoon in. It was a beautiful day out. Most people would be sipping on mixed-berry martinis at the Abby. I, however, was headed to The Palms…… a virtual retirement community, a dark cave where lesbians went to die.
I rolled up to Santa Monica Blvd and, surprise, surprise, there was ample parking right in front. I strolled into the bar and walked inside but I felt more like I was walking into a time warp. The place was about as dimly lit as you could comfortably make it, I almost expected to see a family of bats hanging upside down in the corner. Out of my left peripheral view I spotted an older lady sitting alone at the bar playing one of those video gaming machines. Eh hem…..what did I tell you! I panned slightly to the right and spotted Michelle behind the bar. She was so out of place in this scene and I liked her all the more for it! To my sheer and utter delight, as I panned even further to the right I noticed Maria sitting at the bar as well. Um…whoa, ask and ye shall receive. This was the girl we had hung out with a bit at Truck Stop and the girl I had formed an immediate, all mind you, totally inappropriate crush on . She was the good friend and, as I was about to learn, Ex-GF, of Michelle from a couple years back. I had been hoping to run into her again, although, preferably, not while I was coming to hit on Michelle …….but ,hey, I guess beggars can’t be choosers. I took a seat next to Maria and Michelle poured me a drink. Though, I'm not sure how convincing I was, I tried the best I could to hide my, seriously, growing infatuation for Maria as the three of us drank and shot the breeze. Michelle was an amazing girl, and, don’t get me wrong, I was definitely still very much interested in getting to know her but, I have to admit, I was wildly attracted to her friend.
When I asked how they knew each other (I was hoping it wasn’t very well) Michelle preceded to pull out a napkin and pen to draw me a little map in explanation. She wrote down a few names and then connected them with dots and lines as she went through the line up of how she and Maria were connected. Wait a second!!!! I know this game, it was straight off an episode of the L Word. This was “The Chart”!! She explained how they had been friends, and then dated until Michelle took off with another girl at Dinah Shore Weekend leaving Maria in the dust. This had, as they all seem to eventually do in these lesbian circles, ended up with the two of them becoming better friends for it. Oh man, this was going to take some getting used to for me. So, not only were they best friends now but they had been in love at one point in time, which screamed to me, "fat chance of hopping ship and sailing off into the sunset with the ships bff."
As the day went on I found myself liking Maria more and more, but Michelle was definitely holding her own. I was new to the scene and wanting to make some friends so I decided that hitting on Maria would be a serious step in the wrong direction. I didn’t want to get a sleezy reputation, at least not this soon in the game so I pulled back my focus and sent it shooting back towards Michelle. I really liked hanging out with these girls and who knows what would happen in the future with Maria, but, for now, I would have to settle on just being fiends.
-Lesbian X
Monday, September 6, 2010
The First Date
Blog # 11
"So what’ya say", Alice said via messaging in her usual confident and intoxicating way...."should we go for a drink"?. I couldn't help myself....I just had to meet this girl in person and see what her deal was with my own eyes. I was secretly loving the fact that now I had 2 girls vying for my attention and if Alice wanted to buy me a drink and introduce me to new friends...who was I to say no?? We decided to meet up by her place at Good Luck bar in Los Feliz. I was hoping the namesake rang true of the night to be....I was going to need it! I was brand new to this whole internet dating madness and although Michelle had worked out in my favor, I wasn't quite sure that my batting average would sustain date number 2? I mean, how many worthy advocates can one meet off a cheesy lesbian dating site? Well, I for one was dying to find out. I headed up from West Hollywood to the east side in search of the answer.
As I walked into the bar, I did a quick scan of the joint….it was dark but empty enough to see clearly that she had not arrived. Normally, I would rather be the one to make the grand entrance. This is key on many levels. The main reason being a little tip I learned along the way, not to be forgotten or taken lightly:
This saves you from having a complete “first date” mental breakdown.
This saves you from being the one to sit nervously at the bar alone, staring at the time and checking your cell phone feverishly for any updates as to why your date would suddenly not be arriving. For every minute that goes by the paranoid fantasies graduate from just plain rudeness to freak accident on the 101 to tortuous and untimely death at the hands of terrorists! Who needed that kind of stress? Tonight, however, as I was unsure to what degree I would be into this girl, I was willing to endure this horrifying ritual at the cost of
one imperative “first date” move. I needed to be the one to buy HER a drink.
Now there are several situations in which you would buy someone a drink.
1) You want to sleep with them and feel like the $9 you cough up should entitle you as such.
2) You’re friend bought the last round
3) You are already drunk and for some reason think it’s an awesome idea to then extend the offer of a tasty beverage to everyone in your direct line of view.
4) You’re a chump
OR
5) You’re just not that into them and want to clear your conscious of any reason why you should not escape out the bathroom window and meet up with your friends at the bar down the street instead.
Truth be told, I wanted to reserve my right to put reason #5 into full effect should my date be a total disaster.
So, as I took a seat at the bar, I sent Alice a text requesting her poison and, post reply, ordered two whisky sodas. It was a risky move, I know. I would either come off as being utterly cool and considerate, or this would paint me as way too eager for my own good. Tonight, this was a risk I was willing to take.
It didn’t take long for Alice to arrive after that. Promptness, I dig that in a lady. She spotted me right away and strolled over casually to take a seat next to me at the bar. She had a cool, confident strut that immediately put me at ease. I may have had no idea what I was doing but Alice seemed to have handle on the situation and if there was any bit of nervousness in her body what-so-ever, I couldn’t detect an ounce.
As she pulled up a stool, I was suddenly washed over with an annoying yet ever prevalent wave of “first date” insecurity panic. Out of nowhere, my every fault/blemish/wardrobe choice was spread out on the chopping block for her to inspect and judge at will. Although, five minutes ago I was plotting my exit strategy, I was now, suddenly, desperate for her to find me completely beautiful and amazing. Oh man, this was my ego talking. NO, this was my ego taking over and running a muck. This was me being an irrational nut case and allowing all my “issues” to go racing to the surface. This was me being a total “chick” …and I had to put a stop to it ASAP!
I reminded myself to breathe as there was clearly a lack of oxygen flowing to my brain. I did not come all the way down here to berate myself. I came here to have a cocktail with a, seemingly, very nice, fellow human being. I talked myself off the ledge and came dashing back to reality. “This for me?” she asked with a smile? Her smile, once again, put me totally at ease. I slid over the drink and took a sip of my own. Her presence was oddly calming and I felt all the weight of all my anxiety lift off my shoulders. I liked her right away. There was an undeniable connection with Alice that I hadn’t felt in a long time. She was smart, cute, engaging, and she managed to put all my bullshit to rest without even knowing it! Score one for Alice…….Michelle who???
-Lesbian X
"So what’ya say", Alice said via messaging in her usual confident and intoxicating way...."should we go for a drink"?. I couldn't help myself....I just had to meet this girl in person and see what her deal was with my own eyes. I was secretly loving the fact that now I had 2 girls vying for my attention and if Alice wanted to buy me a drink and introduce me to new friends...who was I to say no?? We decided to meet up by her place at Good Luck bar in Los Feliz. I was hoping the namesake rang true of the night to be....I was going to need it! I was brand new to this whole internet dating madness and although Michelle had worked out in my favor, I wasn't quite sure that my batting average would sustain date number 2? I mean, how many worthy advocates can one meet off a cheesy lesbian dating site? Well, I for one was dying to find out. I headed up from West Hollywood to the east side in search of the answer.
As I walked into the bar, I did a quick scan of the joint….it was dark but empty enough to see clearly that she had not arrived. Normally, I would rather be the one to make the grand entrance. This is key on many levels. The main reason being a little tip I learned along the way, not to be forgotten or taken lightly:
This saves you from having a complete “first date” mental breakdown.
This saves you from being the one to sit nervously at the bar alone, staring at the time and checking your cell phone feverishly for any updates as to why your date would suddenly not be arriving. For every minute that goes by the paranoid fantasies graduate from just plain rudeness to freak accident on the 101 to tortuous and untimely death at the hands of terrorists! Who needed that kind of stress? Tonight, however, as I was unsure to what degree I would be into this girl, I was willing to endure this horrifying ritual at the cost of
one imperative “first date” move. I needed to be the one to buy HER a drink.
Now there are several situations in which you would buy someone a drink.
1) You want to sleep with them and feel like the $9 you cough up should entitle you as such.
2) You’re friend bought the last round
3) You are already drunk and for some reason think it’s an awesome idea to then extend the offer of a tasty beverage to everyone in your direct line of view.
4) You’re a chump
OR
5) You’re just not that into them and want to clear your conscious of any reason why you should not escape out the bathroom window and meet up with your friends at the bar down the street instead.
Truth be told, I wanted to reserve my right to put reason #5 into full effect should my date be a total disaster.
So, as I took a seat at the bar, I sent Alice a text requesting her poison and, post reply, ordered two whisky sodas. It was a risky move, I know. I would either come off as being utterly cool and considerate, or this would paint me as way too eager for my own good. Tonight, this was a risk I was willing to take.
It didn’t take long for Alice to arrive after that. Promptness, I dig that in a lady. She spotted me right away and strolled over casually to take a seat next to me at the bar. She had a cool, confident strut that immediately put me at ease. I may have had no idea what I was doing but Alice seemed to have handle on the situation and if there was any bit of nervousness in her body what-so-ever, I couldn’t detect an ounce.
As she pulled up a stool, I was suddenly washed over with an annoying yet ever prevalent wave of “first date” insecurity panic. Out of nowhere, my every fault/blemish/wardrobe choice was spread out on the chopping block for her to inspect and judge at will. Although, five minutes ago I was plotting my exit strategy, I was now, suddenly, desperate for her to find me completely beautiful and amazing. Oh man, this was my ego talking. NO, this was my ego taking over and running a muck. This was me being an irrational nut case and allowing all my “issues” to go racing to the surface. This was me being a total “chick” …and I had to put a stop to it ASAP!
I reminded myself to breathe as there was clearly a lack of oxygen flowing to my brain. I did not come all the way down here to berate myself. I came here to have a cocktail with a, seemingly, very nice, fellow human being. I talked myself off the ledge and came dashing back to reality. “This for me?” she asked with a smile? Her smile, once again, put me totally at ease. I slid over the drink and took a sip of my own. Her presence was oddly calming and I felt all the weight of all my anxiety lift off my shoulders. I liked her right away. There was an undeniable connection with Alice that I hadn’t felt in a long time. She was smart, cute, engaging, and she managed to put all my bullshit to rest without even knowing it! Score one for Alice…….Michelle who???
-Lesbian X
Friday, August 20, 2010
The Other Woman....
Blog #10
A typical morning for me goes as follows; wake up, pee, then drink a bottle of watermelon juice as I check emails, Myspace, and now OurChart. It was Saturday morning, the night after Truck Stop and, although, my head was a-pounding, this morning was no exception. I headed upstairs to the kitchen and grabbed my saving grace; one bottle of Evolution Watermelon Juice.
About 6 months had gone by since I moved into the last apartment I was in and, had now, just moved into a House in Weho. I had 2 boy roomies and 1 girl..…all straight. I felt a little funny checking The Chart at the communal laptop we shared in the upstairs office because, as I was still new to this whole lesbian thing and wasn’t entirely sure where it was headed, I failed to mention to them in the interview process that I was gay. Well, mostly because I had only been sure of it myself for a short time. I mean, all signs lead to Gayville but I needed to investigate further before I started using it as a disclaimer when being judged on my roommate worthiness and desirability. I was still figuring this whole thing out. I had all my life been attracted to men and although I was mainly interested in women at this point, I didn’t know how this whole adventure would pan out. Not to mention that I hadn’t, overnight, suddenly been stripped of my desire toward the opposite sex. It’s not like I went to the return isle in the sexuality department of Macy’s and traded in my hetero for homo like an ill-fitted sweater. It occured to me that I might be bi-sexual but who could know for sure?? Not exactly what you want to tell 3 strangers you are trying to rope into letting you live in their awesome house that is 5 minutes away from you work. “Hi, nice to meet you, I love the place…Oh, and by the way did I happen to mention that I am in the middle of a sexual identity crisis??“
No, no, no, I wasn’t about to drop that little jem of a bomb on the first meeting nor was I anxious to reveal my shameless routine of cruising lesbians on some cheesy networking site while drinking juice in my p.j.s. This was still my dirty little secret and I meant to keep it that way for the time being!
So, anyway, back to the pressing matter at hand i.e. my OurChart inbox or rather the thrill that a newly arrived message brought to every once of my being. So on this morning, this Saturday, when I opened my inbox to see a message from Alice I couldn’t have been more curious/ecstatic. There were only a couple pictures to go on but she seemed cute. She sent me a general “hey how’s it going” and mentioned some kind of common interest we had that she had noticed after reading my page. She seemed nice enough so I wrote her back, “What the heck?”’ I thought, it couldn’t hurt!
After initial contact I did the only thing I could do at this point to further investigate this new possible friend; I typed her name into myspace to see if cyber stalking would be a possibility. I needed more pictures to go on. I mean, I would like to think that I could make this connection based solely on the content of her character, but let’s face it, at the end of the day, you need a certain amount of pure physical attraction to keep things going. We were in our 20’s for god’s sake, not middle aged women searching for companionship. I was on the brink of my sexual prime and vain or not, I needed to know who I was dealing with. To my shear delight, her page came right up!
Lot’s and lot’s of pictures to go on and you better believe I looked through every single one. It’s always so hard to tell on these sights, though. It is a fair “given” that most people only post the most flattering pictures they have and just a reminder to all of you that have forgotten (as I know that myspace is like Latin, an outdated and dead medium) that unlike facebook, the only pictures on your page were the ones that YOU posted. None of this tagging non-sense existed at the time in question. So I did as thorough an investigation as I could in my post Friday night, Saturday morning hangover state of mind.
I couldn’t quite tell, she definitely had this sort of nerdy-cute thing happening which I was not opposed to and she seemed quite intelligent which was one more for the “go for it” tally. It also occurred to me that this didn’t have to be some grander than life, love affair that transpired. She could very well be a much needed, much appreciated actual friend. After all, I just had this incredible night with Michelle, not that I was ruling out other possibilities, but I liked her and hoped to see her again, so if Alice wanted to meet up for a drink it was no big deal. I wrote her back letting her know that I was in. I agreed to the meeting with the primary intention being to make a new buddy, what ended up happening, however is a different story all together!
-Lesbian X
A typical morning for me goes as follows; wake up, pee, then drink a bottle of watermelon juice as I check emails, Myspace, and now OurChart. It was Saturday morning, the night after Truck Stop and, although, my head was a-pounding, this morning was no exception. I headed upstairs to the kitchen and grabbed my saving grace; one bottle of Evolution Watermelon Juice.
About 6 months had gone by since I moved into the last apartment I was in and, had now, just moved into a House in Weho. I had 2 boy roomies and 1 girl..…all straight. I felt a little funny checking The Chart at the communal laptop we shared in the upstairs office because, as I was still new to this whole lesbian thing and wasn’t entirely sure where it was headed, I failed to mention to them in the interview process that I was gay. Well, mostly because I had only been sure of it myself for a short time. I mean, all signs lead to Gayville but I needed to investigate further before I started using it as a disclaimer when being judged on my roommate worthiness and desirability. I was still figuring this whole thing out. I had all my life been attracted to men and although I was mainly interested in women at this point, I didn’t know how this whole adventure would pan out. Not to mention that I hadn’t, overnight, suddenly been stripped of my desire toward the opposite sex. It’s not like I went to the return isle in the sexuality department of Macy’s and traded in my hetero for homo like an ill-fitted sweater. It occured to me that I might be bi-sexual but who could know for sure?? Not exactly what you want to tell 3 strangers you are trying to rope into letting you live in their awesome house that is 5 minutes away from you work. “Hi, nice to meet you, I love the place…Oh, and by the way did I happen to mention that I am in the middle of a sexual identity crisis??“
No, no, no, I wasn’t about to drop that little jem of a bomb on the first meeting nor was I anxious to reveal my shameless routine of cruising lesbians on some cheesy networking site while drinking juice in my p.j.s. This was still my dirty little secret and I meant to keep it that way for the time being!
So, anyway, back to the pressing matter at hand i.e. my OurChart inbox or rather the thrill that a newly arrived message brought to every once of my being. So on this morning, this Saturday, when I opened my inbox to see a message from Alice I couldn’t have been more curious/ecstatic. There were only a couple pictures to go on but she seemed cute. She sent me a general “hey how’s it going” and mentioned some kind of common interest we had that she had noticed after reading my page. She seemed nice enough so I wrote her back, “What the heck?”’ I thought, it couldn’t hurt!
After initial contact I did the only thing I could do at this point to further investigate this new possible friend; I typed her name into myspace to see if cyber stalking would be a possibility. I needed more pictures to go on. I mean, I would like to think that I could make this connection based solely on the content of her character, but let’s face it, at the end of the day, you need a certain amount of pure physical attraction to keep things going. We were in our 20’s for god’s sake, not middle aged women searching for companionship. I was on the brink of my sexual prime and vain or not, I needed to know who I was dealing with. To my shear delight, her page came right up!
Lot’s and lot’s of pictures to go on and you better believe I looked through every single one. It’s always so hard to tell on these sights, though. It is a fair “given” that most people only post the most flattering pictures they have and just a reminder to all of you that have forgotten (as I know that myspace is like Latin, an outdated and dead medium) that unlike facebook, the only pictures on your page were the ones that YOU posted. None of this tagging non-sense existed at the time in question. So I did as thorough an investigation as I could in my post Friday night, Saturday morning hangover state of mind.
I couldn’t quite tell, she definitely had this sort of nerdy-cute thing happening which I was not opposed to and she seemed quite intelligent which was one more for the “go for it” tally. It also occurred to me that this didn’t have to be some grander than life, love affair that transpired. She could very well be a much needed, much appreciated actual friend. After all, I just had this incredible night with Michelle, not that I was ruling out other possibilities, but I liked her and hoped to see her again, so if Alice wanted to meet up for a drink it was no big deal. I wrote her back letting her know that I was in. I agreed to the meeting with the primary intention being to make a new buddy, what ended up happening, however is a different story all together!
-Lesbian X
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Where to next?
Blog # 9
“You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here”. Final call of the night voiced by bartenders and doormen alike. By 2am every bar in the city is crowed with it’s former patrons roaming aimlessly outside it’s doors asking their friends the aged old question, ”where to next?”And when completely shit faced and desperate, when the 3 to 4 hours of shameless drinking and debauchery are not enough, this question is also directed at pretty much anyone who will answer you back.
Well, this night, when the question was popped, we all decided to head back to Michelle’s place for a night cap and, more importantly, to put our alcohol intake/raging hormones to good use.
We all gathered in the living room trying to be quiet so not to wake Michelle’s roommate. This was impossible as we had all spent waaaaay to much time at the bar and , If I remember correctly, several shots of whiskey had been involved. Besides causing us to scream at several hundred octaves above our normal speaking voices this usually leads to either two things…..sex or food. Now you would think that after all the time I had spent wanting a follow up to my night with Daisy I would have been putting all efforts into sleeping with this girl. However, at the very mention of Chinese food I instantly aborted mission Michelle and was now only interested in one thing….stuffing myself with noodles. Somehow I had left the Sexy Zone entirely and was headed straight toward Fat Kid City.
All the longing and wondering, all the lonely nights spent on the couch in my pjs watching the L Word meant nothing in the face of the greasy left over chow mein that Michelle had in the fridge. And so I ate. I ate and I ate and I ate, and to my ultimate regret those stupid noodles did the exact opposite of what we’d been trying to accomplish all night. In one fell swoop they had entirely erased the $80 worth of booze I had inhaled. In other words I was stone cold sober. Yep…... Crap!
In the cool clear light of sobriety I was still interested in Michelle and definitely wanting to turn things up a notch from the teenage make out session we’d been reenacting all over Truck Stop. However, I suddenly realized that I was grossly unversed as to proper lesbian protocol. Now in the hetero world, the biggest mistake you can make is to sleep with a guy you like on the first date. You’re supposed to hold out until, at least, the third to ensure confidence in your non-slutty status as well as activate their Neanderthal “hunter” instincts. You gotta let them chase you a bit before you give up the goods.Or as my mother would like to think, you save your cookie until marriage.
Women are completely different species though. Women bond at lightning speed and lesbian’s especially have a reputation for combining households on the second date. Woman are natural nest builders, natural homemakers and when a spark ignites between two builders you are bound to find yourself in one immediate and well decorated nest.
All things taken into consideration, I decided it would be in my best interest to head home. It had been a long night….. I came, I saw, I conquered, I ate Chinese food and now I would graciously make my exit. I would need more time to know exactly how a first date should end in this world but, until then, I was going to ride this sober wave and err on the side of caution. When I got home and laid down in bed a sense of peace and wonderment rushed over what was now the new and improved me. This had been quite a journey so far, and I knew it was only the beginning.
-Lesbian X
“You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here”. Final call of the night voiced by bartenders and doormen alike. By 2am every bar in the city is crowed with it’s former patrons roaming aimlessly outside it’s doors asking their friends the aged old question, ”where to next?”And when completely shit faced and desperate, when the 3 to 4 hours of shameless drinking and debauchery are not enough, this question is also directed at pretty much anyone who will answer you back.
Well, this night, when the question was popped, we all decided to head back to Michelle’s place for a night cap and, more importantly, to put our alcohol intake/raging hormones to good use.
We all gathered in the living room trying to be quiet so not to wake Michelle’s roommate. This was impossible as we had all spent waaaaay to much time at the bar and , If I remember correctly, several shots of whiskey had been involved. Besides causing us to scream at several hundred octaves above our normal speaking voices this usually leads to either two things…..sex or food. Now you would think that after all the time I had spent wanting a follow up to my night with Daisy I would have been putting all efforts into sleeping with this girl. However, at the very mention of Chinese food I instantly aborted mission Michelle and was now only interested in one thing….stuffing myself with noodles. Somehow I had left the Sexy Zone entirely and was headed straight toward Fat Kid City.
All the longing and wondering, all the lonely nights spent on the couch in my pjs watching the L Word meant nothing in the face of the greasy left over chow mein that Michelle had in the fridge. And so I ate. I ate and I ate and I ate, and to my ultimate regret those stupid noodles did the exact opposite of what we’d been trying to accomplish all night. In one fell swoop they had entirely erased the $80 worth of booze I had inhaled. In other words I was stone cold sober. Yep…... Crap!
In the cool clear light of sobriety I was still interested in Michelle and definitely wanting to turn things up a notch from the teenage make out session we’d been reenacting all over Truck Stop. However, I suddenly realized that I was grossly unversed as to proper lesbian protocol. Now in the hetero world, the biggest mistake you can make is to sleep with a guy you like on the first date. You’re supposed to hold out until, at least, the third to ensure confidence in your non-slutty status as well as activate their Neanderthal “hunter” instincts. You gotta let them chase you a bit before you give up the goods.Or as my mother would like to think, you save your cookie until marriage.
Women are completely different species though. Women bond at lightning speed and lesbian’s especially have a reputation for combining households on the second date. Woman are natural nest builders, natural homemakers and when a spark ignites between two builders you are bound to find yourself in one immediate and well decorated nest.
All things taken into consideration, I decided it would be in my best interest to head home. It had been a long night….. I came, I saw, I conquered, I ate Chinese food and now I would graciously make my exit. I would need more time to know exactly how a first date should end in this world but, until then, I was going to ride this sober wave and err on the side of caution. When I got home and laid down in bed a sense of peace and wonderment rushed over what was now the new and improved me. This had been quite a journey so far, and I knew it was only the beginning.
-Lesbian X
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Ladies' Night
Blog #8
West Hollywood or WeHo as we like to refer to it is and, I assume, shall forever remain the Mecca of all things gay. Also know as “boys town” because, well…it’s streets are literally crawling with them. Gay men for decades have been flocking to the streets of West Hollywood, strutting their six packs and hard-ons, and tearing it up shirtless in the many bars that line it’s streets. So where are all the lesbians, you might ask?? Excellent question! The gay women of WeHo have, for decades, been tragically reduced to exactly 2 bars in the area. The Normandie Room (which existed at the time but is no-longer) and The Palms which, let’s face it, is not a desirable scene unless you have an affinity to the geriatric. All in all, equating to exactly zero lesbian bars you would ever consider stepping foot in.
So, while the boys have their pick of the litter on any given day, the girls have to gather weekly at which ever “ladies night” happens to be popular. Well, at this time, every lesbian in the tri-state area gathered together at Here bar Friday nights. United, they came to drink, mingle, and ultimately watch the half naked bartenders dance “Coyote Ugly” style atop the center bar.
Michelle and her friends were no exception.
We “strolled in” around 11:30pm which, if you’ve been to Truck Stop, is no easy task. As is at anywhere worth going to in LA, there is always a line. If you don’t have an “in” you either come early or wait impatiently in line and prepare to be exposed as the nobody you are. I hate to say it but lines are for the people they don’t really want in but have to as they will probably be the only ones buying drinks at the bar.
Entering Truck Stop with Michelle was a completely different experience then the last time I’d been there. I wasn’t the same little wall flower that hid in the corner. One by one Michelle introduced me to every girl she knew and she seemed to know EVERYONE. I was making friends left and right, chatting it up, cracking jokes, being one of them! It felt incredible. All my lesbian dreams were now bursting to fruition and the night wasn’t even half over yet. And the best part was Michelle seemed to really like me.
After grabbing another drink (or 2) at the bar, we headed straight for the dance floor. They were way past capacity as usual so Michelle and I were practically smashed up against each other in a seemingly endless sea of women. I don’t know if was the booze or the pure energy of the room but I was overcome with a pressing need to be even closer. I grabbed her cute little face, and as the room appeared to stand still for a moment, I closed my eyes, pressed her lips to mine and kissed her. And again, and again, and again. It all felt so natural, so perfectly in tune to everything I was supposed to be doing. I had been waiting for this kiss, this follow up moment to the night I’d spent with Daisy and here it was happening in way far beyond my wildest dreams.
Everything was perfect, the girl, the music, the night, the kiss, UNTIL…..
Until we got back to her place.
-Lesbian X
West Hollywood or WeHo as we like to refer to it is and, I assume, shall forever remain the Mecca of all things gay. Also know as “boys town” because, well…it’s streets are literally crawling with them. Gay men for decades have been flocking to the streets of West Hollywood, strutting their six packs and hard-ons, and tearing it up shirtless in the many bars that line it’s streets. So where are all the lesbians, you might ask?? Excellent question! The gay women of WeHo have, for decades, been tragically reduced to exactly 2 bars in the area. The Normandie Room (which existed at the time but is no-longer) and The Palms which, let’s face it, is not a desirable scene unless you have an affinity to the geriatric. All in all, equating to exactly zero lesbian bars you would ever consider stepping foot in.
So, while the boys have their pick of the litter on any given day, the girls have to gather weekly at which ever “ladies night” happens to be popular. Well, at this time, every lesbian in the tri-state area gathered together at Here bar Friday nights. United, they came to drink, mingle, and ultimately watch the half naked bartenders dance “Coyote Ugly” style atop the center bar.
Michelle and her friends were no exception.
We “strolled in” around 11:30pm which, if you’ve been to Truck Stop, is no easy task. As is at anywhere worth going to in LA, there is always a line. If you don’t have an “in” you either come early or wait impatiently in line and prepare to be exposed as the nobody you are. I hate to say it but lines are for the people they don’t really want in but have to as they will probably be the only ones buying drinks at the bar.
Entering Truck Stop with Michelle was a completely different experience then the last time I’d been there. I wasn’t the same little wall flower that hid in the corner. One by one Michelle introduced me to every girl she knew and she seemed to know EVERYONE. I was making friends left and right, chatting it up, cracking jokes, being one of them! It felt incredible. All my lesbian dreams were now bursting to fruition and the night wasn’t even half over yet. And the best part was Michelle seemed to really like me.
After grabbing another drink (or 2) at the bar, we headed straight for the dance floor. They were way past capacity as usual so Michelle and I were practically smashed up against each other in a seemingly endless sea of women. I don’t know if was the booze or the pure energy of the room but I was overcome with a pressing need to be even closer. I grabbed her cute little face, and as the room appeared to stand still for a moment, I closed my eyes, pressed her lips to mine and kissed her. And again, and again, and again. It all felt so natural, so perfectly in tune to everything I was supposed to be doing. I had been waiting for this kiss, this follow up moment to the night I’d spent with Daisy and here it was happening in way far beyond my wildest dreams.
Everything was perfect, the girl, the music, the night, the kiss, UNTIL…..
Until we got back to her place.
-Lesbian X
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
So, The Myth Was True......
Blog# 7
So my genius “reply” comment to Michelle had been sent out into the world, or cyber space as the case might be, and soon it would be invading her inbox, begging for approval. Once again, I would just have to sit back and wait to see what happens next. All I could hope for was that it would lead to an actual meeting/date/sex/I‘d settle for a friend. I needed an in to this secret tribe, to this alternative world, and I could tell Michelle was already a full fledged member.
Well long story short, the comment was a hit and eventual gateway to messaging….and the messaging was going well. We had established a connection and it was only a matter of time before we decided to meet face to lesbian face.
This went on for a couple days until one glorious Friday night. She inquired if I would be attending the Friday night girl party at Here Bar in West Hollywood, oh so appropriately named, "Truck Stop“. I had actually been once before to no avail with a couple of my gay boyfriends who insisted I check it out. It was nothing short of a complete and total disaster as I was uncomfortable the entire time. I couldn’t help it, I felt like an outsider....like they were all looking at me and wondering what the hell I was doing there. Like any second I was going to be exposed for the imposter I was and thrown out on the street for crashing their private party. So I did what any other spineless whimp would do; Chalked it up to a loss and headed to Fiesta Cantina across the street to get drunk with the boys.
But that was then and this was now, I might be willing to give that place another shot. Things had changed since then and now I had a greater purpose. I was on a mission of sorts. That’s right, a love mission and this little soldier came to win!
I let Michelle know that I was new to the scene and didn’t really have a crew in tact so she graciously invited me to meet up with hers. We met earlier in the night at El Compadre, an old school Mexican restaurant in Hollywood, and a regular dinner spot of mine. I walked in confidently, I had the home court advantage after all. This was a place I knew well, this was familiar ground and, even better, this was a sexually neutral zone.
I strolled in around 9:30 p.m. and headed over to the table where everyone was already seated. I sized up the booth, took a head count and a deep breath. Five girls were in attendance. That left four other women I had to win over on top of charming my way into Michelle’s pants. Tonight, I was up for the challenge, I had a air of bravado that was lacking in my last Truck Stop experience, this time I had Michelle on my side. Not to mention a shot of tequila I had at home which really seemed to take the edge off….. that had been an excellent idea.
I sat down, relaxed and equipped with positive thinking. These were just lesbians after all not Al Qaeda, how hard could this really be?? The waitress came over and I ordered the house special, a flaming margarita. I needed just a little more amo before I left the trenches and headed into battle.
Armed with a spectacular buzz, I went to work on these ladies. I called upon every last bit of charm I could muster up and forward marched.
In true dyke fashion, two of the girls at the table were Michelle’s ex-girlfriends. One there with her new lady in tow. So the myth was true….huh? I had always thought that was an Urban Legend much like the second date U haul. But there they were, all together on a Friday night sharing a bowl of guacamole and shooting the breeze. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my entire 20 some odd years. All the ingredients for an uncomfortable evening but the crazy thing was we were all having a great time! I was liking these girls and I was definitely cruching on Michelle. If this was any indication of the night to come, I was in for the time of my life!
-Lesbian X
So my genius “reply” comment to Michelle had been sent out into the world, or cyber space as the case might be, and soon it would be invading her inbox, begging for approval. Once again, I would just have to sit back and wait to see what happens next. All I could hope for was that it would lead to an actual meeting/date/sex/I‘d settle for a friend. I needed an in to this secret tribe, to this alternative world, and I could tell Michelle was already a full fledged member.
Well long story short, the comment was a hit and eventual gateway to messaging….and the messaging was going well. We had established a connection and it was only a matter of time before we decided to meet face to lesbian face.
This went on for a couple days until one glorious Friday night. She inquired if I would be attending the Friday night girl party at Here Bar in West Hollywood, oh so appropriately named, "Truck Stop“. I had actually been once before to no avail with a couple of my gay boyfriends who insisted I check it out. It was nothing short of a complete and total disaster as I was uncomfortable the entire time. I couldn’t help it, I felt like an outsider....like they were all looking at me and wondering what the hell I was doing there. Like any second I was going to be exposed for the imposter I was and thrown out on the street for crashing their private party. So I did what any other spineless whimp would do; Chalked it up to a loss and headed to Fiesta Cantina across the street to get drunk with the boys.
But that was then and this was now, I might be willing to give that place another shot. Things had changed since then and now I had a greater purpose. I was on a mission of sorts. That’s right, a love mission and this little soldier came to win!
I let Michelle know that I was new to the scene and didn’t really have a crew in tact so she graciously invited me to meet up with hers. We met earlier in the night at El Compadre, an old school Mexican restaurant in Hollywood, and a regular dinner spot of mine. I walked in confidently, I had the home court advantage after all. This was a place I knew well, this was familiar ground and, even better, this was a sexually neutral zone.
I strolled in around 9:30 p.m. and headed over to the table where everyone was already seated. I sized up the booth, took a head count and a deep breath. Five girls were in attendance. That left four other women I had to win over on top of charming my way into Michelle’s pants. Tonight, I was up for the challenge, I had a air of bravado that was lacking in my last Truck Stop experience, this time I had Michelle on my side. Not to mention a shot of tequila I had at home which really seemed to take the edge off….. that had been an excellent idea.
I sat down, relaxed and equipped with positive thinking. These were just lesbians after all not Al Qaeda, how hard could this really be?? The waitress came over and I ordered the house special, a flaming margarita. I needed just a little more amo before I left the trenches and headed into battle.
Armed with a spectacular buzz, I went to work on these ladies. I called upon every last bit of charm I could muster up and forward marched.
In true dyke fashion, two of the girls at the table were Michelle’s ex-girlfriends. One there with her new lady in tow. So the myth was true….huh? I had always thought that was an Urban Legend much like the second date U haul. But there they were, all together on a Friday night sharing a bowl of guacamole and shooting the breeze. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my entire 20 some odd years. All the ingredients for an uncomfortable evening but the crazy thing was we were all having a great time! I was liking these girls and I was definitely cruching on Michelle. If this was any indication of the night to come, I was in for the time of my life!
-Lesbian X
Saturday, July 31, 2010
The Comment
Blog #6
So like I said, I may not have struck gold right away, but I think the lesbian gods were watching over me in my new venture as at least one or two girls accepted my OurChart friend request. Halleluiah! What I intended to do once they accepted, however, was beyond me. I really hadn’t thought it out that far….Whoops. Then, out of no where, one of my “new friends” who we’ll call, Michelle, oh so gallantly took the reigns and, quite frankly, in my opinion, upped the ante! Michelle had done the unthinkable. She out right requested my attendance on her Myspace page. What?? Wow! The privacy and single sexdom of the Chart was one thing, but MYSPACE.!!?? Now that was a different story all together. That was taking things to a whole other level. Our interactions and flirty comments would be there in black and white (or what ever color she happened to have to pimped her profile out to) for all friends; hetero and homo sexual to see.
Now I had just realized that I was definitely into girls but what I hadn’t quite yet determined was what I was going to say to my friends, which is odd because I live in an extremely progressive city. Los Angeles was a city where anything goes. Where as long as you’re either attractive, rich or famous you could pretty much get away with anything. A city who’s main source of survival was the entertainment industry and if you weren’t gay you were practically a minority. So why was I so concerned with what other people might think? Was it my Christian upbringing? No way, I never really bought into to any of that crap anyway. Was it my parent’s attitude toward the gay community? I don’t know? They certainly weren’t homophobic to my knowledge but I guess it’s a different matter when it’s your own child, right? Then why was I a little scared to mention this new found revelation to my nearest and dearest?
This need for secrecy, I decided, was something that was of no use or good to me at this point in time AND an issue I would have to explore in therapy at a later date. I’ll let a shrink figure my bullshit out, right now I have some lesbian tail to chase. This girl was cute and I would be crazy not to go for it. This was the big time and I wasn’t about to shy away now. I pressed “accept” wholeheartedly with an ”I don’t care who knows I ‘m gay” shield held up proudly in front of my American Apparel Deep V. Tag you’re it!
And so I waited…it was her turn to make the next move or at least I was too chicken. Then one afternoon, I casually logged into my account ….and there it was...... A Myspace comment!!! Michelle had done her part and then some. And it was funny!! I was equal parts amused and panicked. It all seemed so simple to the un-trained eye. Just comment her back, you idiot! But I knew that this was far more complicated. If I ever wanted see her outside of cyber space I had to see her wit and raise her one wildly charming reply. I turned the matter over to the right side of my brain and searched it’s contents for the perfect retort. Thanks to Coffee Bean and the soy vanilla latte I’d just inhaled, my brain was moving at lightning speed. All of a sudden it came to me.... I had the winning reply. It was simple but perfect and so, proudly, I typed it into the designated box. With a new found sense of pride and certainty I moved the cursor over and pressed “send“. Mission accomplished, if this didn’t get me a date I didn’t know what would.
So like I said, I may not have struck gold right away, but I think the lesbian gods were watching over me in my new venture as at least one or two girls accepted my OurChart friend request. Halleluiah! What I intended to do once they accepted, however, was beyond me. I really hadn’t thought it out that far….Whoops. Then, out of no where, one of my “new friends” who we’ll call, Michelle, oh so gallantly took the reigns and, quite frankly, in my opinion, upped the ante! Michelle had done the unthinkable. She out right requested my attendance on her Myspace page. What?? Wow! The privacy and single sexdom of the Chart was one thing, but MYSPACE.!!?? Now that was a different story all together. That was taking things to a whole other level. Our interactions and flirty comments would be there in black and white (or what ever color she happened to have to pimped her profile out to) for all friends; hetero and homo sexual to see.
Now I had just realized that I was definitely into girls but what I hadn’t quite yet determined was what I was going to say to my friends, which is odd because I live in an extremely progressive city. Los Angeles was a city where anything goes. Where as long as you’re either attractive, rich or famous you could pretty much get away with anything. A city who’s main source of survival was the entertainment industry and if you weren’t gay you were practically a minority. So why was I so concerned with what other people might think? Was it my Christian upbringing? No way, I never really bought into to any of that crap anyway. Was it my parent’s attitude toward the gay community? I don’t know? They certainly weren’t homophobic to my knowledge but I guess it’s a different matter when it’s your own child, right? Then why was I a little scared to mention this new found revelation to my nearest and dearest?
This need for secrecy, I decided, was something that was of no use or good to me at this point in time AND an issue I would have to explore in therapy at a later date. I’ll let a shrink figure my bullshit out, right now I have some lesbian tail to chase. This girl was cute and I would be crazy not to go for it. This was the big time and I wasn’t about to shy away now. I pressed “accept” wholeheartedly with an ”I don’t care who knows I ‘m gay” shield held up proudly in front of my American Apparel Deep V. Tag you’re it!
And so I waited…it was her turn to make the next move or at least I was too chicken. Then one afternoon, I casually logged into my account ….and there it was...... A Myspace comment!!! Michelle had done her part and then some. And it was funny!! I was equal parts amused and panicked. It all seemed so simple to the un-trained eye. Just comment her back, you idiot! But I knew that this was far more complicated. If I ever wanted see her outside of cyber space I had to see her wit and raise her one wildly charming reply. I turned the matter over to the right side of my brain and searched it’s contents for the perfect retort. Thanks to Coffee Bean and the soy vanilla latte I’d just inhaled, my brain was moving at lightning speed. All of a sudden it came to me.... I had the winning reply. It was simple but perfect and so, proudly, I typed it into the designated box. With a new found sense of pride and certainty I moved the cursor over and pressed “send“. Mission accomplished, if this didn’t get me a date I didn’t know what would.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Chart
Blog #5
The L Word. It took all of 5 minutes and I was hooked. Sucked in by these women and their …..I don’t know…everything!!! I loved everything about them. I wanted to either know them, be them, sleep with them, live next door to them and I sure as hell wanted to hang out at the Planet with them. I watched episode after episode, until I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and the second I woke up in the morning, I watched some more! All of the uncertainty I felt after sleeping with Daisy was shattered in one 50 min episode and the question now was….what was I going to do about it?? How was I going to get myself a piece of that life? And so, after I watched all of the 3 seasons that had aired at this point, I gathered as much courage as I could muster up and joined a short lived social networking system called “Our Chart”. Oh yeah, that’s right, I did it… and I’d do it again!!
For those of you reading that may have been living under a rock or were possibly trapped in some third world, Showtime-less country during that time, “Our Chart” was an L Word plot line turned actual lesbian networking site. On the show it was a way for Alice to show the connections between her circle of friends with any and all other lesbian circles that happened to exist. A social experiment if you will, a gay six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Type in someone’s name and see how many people it takes to connect you to that person.
In real life, though, it was an easy way to pick up chicks and I couldn’t sign up fast enough. This was my ticket in, this was a sure fire way to manifest my own circle of friends. It’s tough when you’re first starting out. You don’t anyone, you don’t know where to hang out, where to go to meet girls, find love, get laid. Especially if you aren’t a totally obvious dyke (or T.O.D as I like to refer to them). To the outside world I was perceived as an ordinary heterosexual female. There was nothing about me that screamed gay. No trendy short hair cut, no American Apparel unisex underwear, I didn't wear ties, and I certainly didn't drive a Subaru.
I had awkwardly browsed a few lesbian bars here and there but the reality was, I was way to shy to talk to anyone I found even remotely attractive. If I was going to do this, the internet was the perfect starting point!
So, the second that site was launched, I eagerly put together the most alluring yet non-desperate Chart profile I could. Man, I couldn’t wait for the babes to start rollin in and my new life to start. It was only a matter of time before I too was living in a financially unrealistic, West Hollywood craftsman with a hot sexually androgynous roommate. It was only matter of time before I was living next to my very own Bette and Tina. I couldn’t wait to meet up with all my friends who, oddly enough, seemed to take coffee breaks at the same time during the middle of the work day at our favorite café/night club. Yep, it was only a matter of time until I to was living the Weho lesbian dream. …….Or so I thought. This proved to be a little bit trickier than I had originally anticipated. I didn’t exactly hit the jackpot right away. There was no magical brand new lesbian life equipped with my favorite L Word character counterparts. There wasn’t a message inbox full of invitations from Marina or Alice look a likes, no Dana’s a knockin to be my new bff, and definitely no Shane McCutcheons to fall in love with even though I knew they would smash my heart into a million pieces. Nope, this whole chart idea I had was a good one but it wasn’t going to be an over night success. I did, however, at least manage to get a few cute girls to accept my friend request (whoo hoo) and one of them, much to my shear joy and relief, lead to an actual, bonafied, real live night out with a girl. SCORE!!!!
-Lesbian X
The L Word. It took all of 5 minutes and I was hooked. Sucked in by these women and their …..I don’t know…everything!!! I loved everything about them. I wanted to either know them, be them, sleep with them, live next door to them and I sure as hell wanted to hang out at the Planet with them. I watched episode after episode, until I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and the second I woke up in the morning, I watched some more! All of the uncertainty I felt after sleeping with Daisy was shattered in one 50 min episode and the question now was….what was I going to do about it?? How was I going to get myself a piece of that life? And so, after I watched all of the 3 seasons that had aired at this point, I gathered as much courage as I could muster up and joined a short lived social networking system called “Our Chart”. Oh yeah, that’s right, I did it… and I’d do it again!!
For those of you reading that may have been living under a rock or were possibly trapped in some third world, Showtime-less country during that time, “Our Chart” was an L Word plot line turned actual lesbian networking site. On the show it was a way for Alice to show the connections between her circle of friends with any and all other lesbian circles that happened to exist. A social experiment if you will, a gay six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Type in someone’s name and see how many people it takes to connect you to that person.
In real life, though, it was an easy way to pick up chicks and I couldn’t sign up fast enough. This was my ticket in, this was a sure fire way to manifest my own circle of friends. It’s tough when you’re first starting out. You don’t anyone, you don’t know where to hang out, where to go to meet girls, find love, get laid. Especially if you aren’t a totally obvious dyke (or T.O.D as I like to refer to them). To the outside world I was perceived as an ordinary heterosexual female. There was nothing about me that screamed gay. No trendy short hair cut, no American Apparel unisex underwear, I didn't wear ties, and I certainly didn't drive a Subaru.
I had awkwardly browsed a few lesbian bars here and there but the reality was, I was way to shy to talk to anyone I found even remotely attractive. If I was going to do this, the internet was the perfect starting point!
So, the second that site was launched, I eagerly put together the most alluring yet non-desperate Chart profile I could. Man, I couldn’t wait for the babes to start rollin in and my new life to start. It was only a matter of time before I too was living in a financially unrealistic, West Hollywood craftsman with a hot sexually androgynous roommate. It was only matter of time before I was living next to my very own Bette and Tina. I couldn’t wait to meet up with all my friends who, oddly enough, seemed to take coffee breaks at the same time during the middle of the work day at our favorite café/night club. Yep, it was only a matter of time until I to was living the Weho lesbian dream. …….Or so I thought. This proved to be a little bit trickier than I had originally anticipated. I didn’t exactly hit the jackpot right away. There was no magical brand new lesbian life equipped with my favorite L Word character counterparts. There wasn’t a message inbox full of invitations from Marina or Alice look a likes, no Dana’s a knockin to be my new bff, and definitely no Shane McCutcheons to fall in love with even though I knew they would smash my heart into a million pieces. Nope, this whole chart idea I had was a good one but it wasn’t going to be an over night success. I did, however, at least manage to get a few cute girls to accept my friend request (whoo hoo) and one of them, much to my shear joy and relief, lead to an actual, bonafied, real live night out with a girl. SCORE!!!!
-Lesbian X
Saturday, July 24, 2010
The Shane Factor…. Realized
Blog #4
“The Boys Wanna be her, the Girls Wanna be her”, famous last words sung by Peaches during, what in my opinion, was the best moment in television history and quite possibly, my entire life. I am talking, of course, about the infamous L Word scene in which Shane, played by the electric Kate Moennig, shoots an add for Hugo Boss in nothing but a pair of boy's tighty whiteys and a smirk.
Now during the 6 seasons that show was on the air, The Falcon, a Hollywood night Club on Sunset Blvd., had a viewing party every Sunday in which they played the newest episode of the show. That was where I saw this magical scene and gift to the world for the very first time.
We all sat watching one of the 3 screens that aired the show with our jaws dropped open and our hearts pounding. We were hypnotized, mesmerized as she moved and posed for the camera in her underwear. Her body was perfection. She was sexy as all fucking hell and if she wasn’t already the reason why no girl would ever be good enough for you , she was about to be.
This is a little something I call “The Shane Factor” and she, along with the rest of the cast, were to be the awakening I had been waiting for.
It all started of innocently enough, I had spent the last 2 days moving into my new apartment across from The Roosevelt Hotel and was too exhausted to do anything other than veg out. I lied on my bed and decided to take advantage of every indulgence provided by cable TV. I casually browsed through the On Demand menu until, at last, I struck gold. The L Word huh? Hmmmm….I had seen billboards around town….that’s the show about lesbians. INTERESTING. Would it be totally creepy and weird of me to watch it alone in my room? I mean, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Was there going to be outright girl on girl action? I was kind of embarrassed considering my conquest with Daisy which had happened about 6 months before but then I thought to myself, “what the hell“. It’s not like I had just popped in a porno, this was Showtime for god’s sake!! This was a reputable, award winning network and, therefore, completely socially acceptable. And so, in the privacy of my own room, behind a securely locked door (I know because I checked about 50 times) …… I pushed play……
What happened next literally changed my life forever. If I had ever had any doubts, if I were ever to play off Daisy as a mere sexual experimentation, I was about to know 100 percent for sure that I was totally and completely gay.
-Lesbian X
“The Boys Wanna be her, the Girls Wanna be her”, famous last words sung by Peaches during, what in my opinion, was the best moment in television history and quite possibly, my entire life. I am talking, of course, about the infamous L Word scene in which Shane, played by the electric Kate Moennig, shoots an add for Hugo Boss in nothing but a pair of boy's tighty whiteys and a smirk.
Now during the 6 seasons that show was on the air, The Falcon, a Hollywood night Club on Sunset Blvd., had a viewing party every Sunday in which they played the newest episode of the show. That was where I saw this magical scene and gift to the world for the very first time.
We all sat watching one of the 3 screens that aired the show with our jaws dropped open and our hearts pounding. We were hypnotized, mesmerized as she moved and posed for the camera in her underwear. Her body was perfection. She was sexy as all fucking hell and if she wasn’t already the reason why no girl would ever be good enough for you , she was about to be.
This is a little something I call “The Shane Factor” and she, along with the rest of the cast, were to be the awakening I had been waiting for.
It all started of innocently enough, I had spent the last 2 days moving into my new apartment across from The Roosevelt Hotel and was too exhausted to do anything other than veg out. I lied on my bed and decided to take advantage of every indulgence provided by cable TV. I casually browsed through the On Demand menu until, at last, I struck gold. The L Word huh? Hmmmm….I had seen billboards around town….that’s the show about lesbians. INTERESTING. Would it be totally creepy and weird of me to watch it alone in my room? I mean, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Was there going to be outright girl on girl action? I was kind of embarrassed considering my conquest with Daisy which had happened about 6 months before but then I thought to myself, “what the hell“. It’s not like I had just popped in a porno, this was Showtime for god’s sake!! This was a reputable, award winning network and, therefore, completely socially acceptable. And so, in the privacy of my own room, behind a securely locked door (I know because I checked about 50 times) …… I pushed play……
What happened next literally changed my life forever. If I had ever had any doubts, if I were ever to play off Daisy as a mere sexual experimentation, I was about to know 100 percent for sure that I was totally and completely gay.
-Lesbian X
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The Shane Factor
Blog # 3
Well my very first lesbian experience had happened and, although, in my mind it would change me forever, somehow, it seemed unreal.... like a distant memory or a wild dream that occurred after too much sugar before bed time. I wasn’t sure what it meant or even if it was OK. Was I gay? Was I about to leave everything I knew about love, sex and relationships behind to embark on an entirely new world or was this a one time thing, a sexual experiment that most young single women of my generation had already tangoed with? In fact, I may have been the last person I knew to cross over to the other side, even if just for kicks. All I knew was that there was some part of me that was entirely captivated by the experience and was secretly wishing to take another shot at it.
The concern I had, although now seems completely ridiculous, was “what would other people say”? What would my best friend say? Would she be all for the idea and be my sidekick in all lesbian endeavors, or would she be repulsed and horrified by my recent conquest. It mattered!! It did. I wish I could say that I was so confident in my self that I threw caution to the wind regardless of other’s opinions on the matter, but in this instance, on this topic, I was a total pussy. When the opportunity with Daisy presented itself for a second time I panicked and completely whimped out. One time sex with a girl was one thing. It was me being wild and free. It was me being a sexual badass who would casually mention to friends over brunch, “oh yeah! I slept with a girl once. No biggie. You know me, am crazy and unpredictable and you never know what I’ll do next”. It was my way of sticking my middle finger up at the moral majority and telling the world “hey, I’m cool, I’m totally worldly and awesome. In fact I banged a girl once, just to see what it was like“. But in reality, that night haunted me. It did change me. I now saw women in a completely different light. Every semi pretty/cool girl to come my way was a possible next girl I was going to sleep with. Even if they didn’t know it yet.
I had tasted the other side and man it tasted sweet yet I couldn’t think past that internal present desire. All I could do was keep it to myself until I figured out if a) it was ok, and b) what place it was going to take in my life.
And, sadly, this went on for some time. I had, oh so unsmoothly, declined on Dasiy’s next proposal out of shear and total cowardliness and, most definitely, to the eventual decline in our friendship. But although I had passed up her second advance, I was secretly on the lookout for the next belle de jour.
It was easy and harmless while living only inside of my private thoughts but what it would mutate into after actually acting on these inclinations was another beast all unto itself.
It was a blind dive into dark and unknown waters, and it took me almost another year to take that leap. I was waiting for something to tip the scales, waiting for something; a sign, a feeling, a moment that would awaken in me an absolute recognition that I was, in fact, gay.
Well, this moment came to me one unexpected night, one unassuming evening when I moved into a new apartment. And what happened next is a little something I like to refer to as “The Shane Factor”.
-Lesbian X
Well my very first lesbian experience had happened and, although, in my mind it would change me forever, somehow, it seemed unreal.... like a distant memory or a wild dream that occurred after too much sugar before bed time. I wasn’t sure what it meant or even if it was OK. Was I gay? Was I about to leave everything I knew about love, sex and relationships behind to embark on an entirely new world or was this a one time thing, a sexual experiment that most young single women of my generation had already tangoed with? In fact, I may have been the last person I knew to cross over to the other side, even if just for kicks. All I knew was that there was some part of me that was entirely captivated by the experience and was secretly wishing to take another shot at it.
The concern I had, although now seems completely ridiculous, was “what would other people say”? What would my best friend say? Would she be all for the idea and be my sidekick in all lesbian endeavors, or would she be repulsed and horrified by my recent conquest. It mattered!! It did. I wish I could say that I was so confident in my self that I threw caution to the wind regardless of other’s opinions on the matter, but in this instance, on this topic, I was a total pussy. When the opportunity with Daisy presented itself for a second time I panicked and completely whimped out. One time sex with a girl was one thing. It was me being wild and free. It was me being a sexual badass who would casually mention to friends over brunch, “oh yeah! I slept with a girl once. No biggie. You know me, am crazy and unpredictable and you never know what I’ll do next”. It was my way of sticking my middle finger up at the moral majority and telling the world “hey, I’m cool, I’m totally worldly and awesome. In fact I banged a girl once, just to see what it was like“. But in reality, that night haunted me. It did change me. I now saw women in a completely different light. Every semi pretty/cool girl to come my way was a possible next girl I was going to sleep with. Even if they didn’t know it yet.
I had tasted the other side and man it tasted sweet yet I couldn’t think past that internal present desire. All I could do was keep it to myself until I figured out if a) it was ok, and b) what place it was going to take in my life.
And, sadly, this went on for some time. I had, oh so unsmoothly, declined on Dasiy’s next proposal out of shear and total cowardliness and, most definitely, to the eventual decline in our friendship. But although I had passed up her second advance, I was secretly on the lookout for the next belle de jour.
It was easy and harmless while living only inside of my private thoughts but what it would mutate into after actually acting on these inclinations was another beast all unto itself.
It was a blind dive into dark and unknown waters, and it took me almost another year to take that leap. I was waiting for something to tip the scales, waiting for something; a sign, a feeling, a moment that would awaken in me an absolute recognition that I was, in fact, gay.
Well, this moment came to me one unexpected night, one unassuming evening when I moved into a new apartment. And what happened next is a little something I like to refer to as “The Shane Factor”.
-Lesbian X
Monday, July 19, 2010
"About Last Night"
Blog #2
Okay, okay, so I left you hanging but what’s life without a little anticipation? So, let’s see, we left off with super hot Daisy taking my curious little ass home for a night of drunken, naked, amazing, mind blowing full on lesbian sex….or so I thought.
Now the kissing started and it was stellar to say the least. I loved it, I loved everything about it AND her. Soft lips, soft skin, she smelled good, I mean, I couldn’t believe I had been missing out on this shit for so long. All the razor burn, and turbo tongue, and stinky sweaty man kisses now seemed down right wrong to me and almost hilarious that I had been participating in them for so long. Not to mention the fact that they were considered the smooching norm. I mean why anyone would choose to kiss someone with sandpaper for skin over the velvety feel of a woman’s cheek is beyond me.
Anyway, so we’ve established the kissing was good. But Daisy didn’t drag me home to kiss all night…. She wanted it and so did I (?) Wait I thought I did, right, cuz this was it…the moment of truth….no going back now. If I had any objections now would be the time to speak up. I was about to have my very first lesbian experience and while I came here of my own free will, I mean, I practically threw out everyone that had come back to her place after the bar, I had to stop for just a second to make sure I was totally and completely ready to dive in head first (literally as the case may be).
Uh.....Yep!! Fuck it, life is too short right?!? I had this super hot chick throwing herself at me, what did I have to loose?? In fact, I can’t believe I even hesitated…..game on!!
So this was really it. I was here and she was all sexy, and I was up for anything.
There was one teeny tiny problem though….
Truth be told, as absolutely into it as I was, I have to admit, I was scared shittless. What the hell was I supposed to do to this beautiful woman to get her off?? I mean it seems simple enough; just do what YOU like, but the shear intimidation of the task at hand had me sweatin it big time.
I thought it would come naturally, like some how, some way, the Heavens would part and the Universe would strike down upon me the magical lesbian powers I would need to rock this bitch’s world. EEEER!! Wrong. So wrong. So very very wrong.
It was my turn and I all I could think of was “thank god she is wasted and probably wont remember how bad I was in the morning.
And as it turns out, that’s exactly what happened.
We both passed out mid drunk sloppy girl sex…..Thank God!!
It was an excellent first attempt but let’s just say that neither of us would be bragging about the night of amazing sex we had. It would definitely be the ol' "I kind of remember but I'm not exactly sure" rundown when recounting the story the next day to our besties.
And when we woke up in the morning, it wasn’t the beautiful entanglement of two naked women bodies that had been making sweet sweet love all night long. It was the rising of two hungover, head pounding, make up smeared girls who had gotten way to drunk the night before and boned....kind of.
But to my surprise, instead of being awkward as it so commonly is "the morning after”, it was the opposite. Instead of sneaking out, gathered underthings in hand, or that ever so uncomfortable conversation beginning with, "About last night", we laid in bed joking about the night before and reminiscing on all the silly moments. It was easy and fun the way it always is when you hang out with a good friend. All in all, first lesbian sexual experience was a success! I wasn’t sure what it was going to mean for me, but It was only a matter of time before I was to find out.
-Lesbian X
Okay, okay, so I left you hanging but what’s life without a little anticipation? So, let’s see, we left off with super hot Daisy taking my curious little ass home for a night of drunken, naked, amazing, mind blowing full on lesbian sex….or so I thought.
Now the kissing started and it was stellar to say the least. I loved it, I loved everything about it AND her. Soft lips, soft skin, she smelled good, I mean, I couldn’t believe I had been missing out on this shit for so long. All the razor burn, and turbo tongue, and stinky sweaty man kisses now seemed down right wrong to me and almost hilarious that I had been participating in them for so long. Not to mention the fact that they were considered the smooching norm. I mean why anyone would choose to kiss someone with sandpaper for skin over the velvety feel of a woman’s cheek is beyond me.
Anyway, so we’ve established the kissing was good. But Daisy didn’t drag me home to kiss all night…. She wanted it and so did I (?) Wait I thought I did, right, cuz this was it…the moment of truth….no going back now. If I had any objections now would be the time to speak up. I was about to have my very first lesbian experience and while I came here of my own free will, I mean, I practically threw out everyone that had come back to her place after the bar, I had to stop for just a second to make sure I was totally and completely ready to dive in head first (literally as the case may be).
Uh.....Yep!! Fuck it, life is too short right?!? I had this super hot chick throwing herself at me, what did I have to loose?? In fact, I can’t believe I even hesitated…..game on!!
So this was really it. I was here and she was all sexy, and I was up for anything.
There was one teeny tiny problem though….
Truth be told, as absolutely into it as I was, I have to admit, I was scared shittless. What the hell was I supposed to do to this beautiful woman to get her off?? I mean it seems simple enough; just do what YOU like, but the shear intimidation of the task at hand had me sweatin it big time.
I thought it would come naturally, like some how, some way, the Heavens would part and the Universe would strike down upon me the magical lesbian powers I would need to rock this bitch’s world. EEEER!! Wrong. So wrong. So very very wrong.
It was my turn and I all I could think of was “thank god she is wasted and probably wont remember how bad I was in the morning.
And as it turns out, that’s exactly what happened.
We both passed out mid drunk sloppy girl sex…..Thank God!!
It was an excellent first attempt but let’s just say that neither of us would be bragging about the night of amazing sex we had. It would definitely be the ol' "I kind of remember but I'm not exactly sure" rundown when recounting the story the next day to our besties.
And when we woke up in the morning, it wasn’t the beautiful entanglement of two naked women bodies that had been making sweet sweet love all night long. It was the rising of two hungover, head pounding, make up smeared girls who had gotten way to drunk the night before and boned....kind of.
But to my surprise, instead of being awkward as it so commonly is "the morning after”, it was the opposite. Instead of sneaking out, gathered underthings in hand, or that ever so uncomfortable conversation beginning with, "About last night", we laid in bed joking about the night before and reminiscing on all the silly moments. It was easy and fun the way it always is when you hang out with a good friend. All in all, first lesbian sexual experience was a success! I wasn’t sure what it was going to mean for me, but It was only a matter of time before I was to find out.
-Lesbian X
Sunday, July 18, 2010
I kissed a Girl and I Liked It
Blog #1
Hi there. Welcome to Blog 1 of Lesbian X and the City; A format to discuss the in's and out’s of what I have known to become "the lesbian circle". More or less, it is a vehicle to explore everything that comes with being a gay lady from first loves to first heartbreaks, from friendship to friends with benefits, from the backstabbing and trash talking to everything in between. So who am I, you ask? Well, let's see. Ok, put it this way; If Carrie Bradshaw and Blair Waldorf's cell phone had a baby, and that baby was gay, and that gay baby said, "peace out East coast, I‘m headed out to (gasp) LA", you would have me!! Just your typical gal with a flare for gossip looking for love and sex in the big city. Girl love and girl sex that is.
It wasn't always the ladylovin I was after though. In fact I had no idea I was anything close to gay until my early 20's…not a clue. So what was the defining moment, you may wonder? The grand event that rocked my world so hard that I would give up the convenience and hierarchy of being a card caring member of the heterosexual world??
Well, it was more like a gradual progression, I’d say, then one monumentous event that swung my pendulum in the queer direction.... and it all started about 5 years ago.
So, I was living up North trapped in a troubled and, quite frankly, sexless relationship, absolutely miserable and with nothing to loose. I decided to flee my romantic woes along with tragic pale skin in search of sunshine, yoga, vegan food, and, of course, true love.
Now the Kundalini and tempeh were easy enough. The sunshine a given! But LOVE.....now there's where it got tricky.
So picture me now, tan, healthy, SINGLE and in LA!! What was a girl to do? Well let me tell you, I did what any red blooded American woman would do…..I went out and got laid. A lot. As much as possible. You could say I maaaaay have gone a little nuts. Okay, let's call a spade a spade, I was seriously out o' control. Dating a different guy every night, getting it anyway and from anyone I could. I was finally free and this sex starved little lady was up for just about anything. Including, it turns out, for some lesbian action.
Now just a casual little flirting from a close friend is where it really began. A friend who had been known to dip her cute little toes in the lesbian pool from time to time. We’ll call her Daisy. Now Daisy had insisted that I come meet her out to go dancing one night and per usual she was pretty tippsy when I arrived. Okay, that's a lie, she was totally hammered, and to my surprise, hell bent on taking me home. Now Daisy, I should tell you that this point was beyond gorgeous as well as wildly persistent and one thing was for sure, I wasn't about to stand in her way. I'll admit it, in the recent years, I had become a little curious, and if this girl wanted to take me home and have a little fun, I was all for it!!
And there you have it! ……..
What?? You wanted details? Oh no, not on the first blog. You will just have to stay tuned to find out what happened when Miss Daisy drove me home. All I can tell you is “I kissed a girl and I liked it!”
-Lesbian X
Hi there. Welcome to Blog 1 of Lesbian X and the City; A format to discuss the in's and out’s of what I have known to become "the lesbian circle". More or less, it is a vehicle to explore everything that comes with being a gay lady from first loves to first heartbreaks, from friendship to friends with benefits, from the backstabbing and trash talking to everything in between. So who am I, you ask? Well, let's see. Ok, put it this way; If Carrie Bradshaw and Blair Waldorf's cell phone had a baby, and that baby was gay, and that gay baby said, "peace out East coast, I‘m headed out to (gasp) LA", you would have me!! Just your typical gal with a flare for gossip looking for love and sex in the big city. Girl love and girl sex that is.
It wasn't always the ladylovin I was after though. In fact I had no idea I was anything close to gay until my early 20's…not a clue. So what was the defining moment, you may wonder? The grand event that rocked my world so hard that I would give up the convenience and hierarchy of being a card caring member of the heterosexual world??
Well, it was more like a gradual progression, I’d say, then one monumentous event that swung my pendulum in the queer direction.... and it all started about 5 years ago.
So, I was living up North trapped in a troubled and, quite frankly, sexless relationship, absolutely miserable and with nothing to loose. I decided to flee my romantic woes along with tragic pale skin in search of sunshine, yoga, vegan food, and, of course, true love.
Now the Kundalini and tempeh were easy enough. The sunshine a given! But LOVE.....now there's where it got tricky.
So picture me now, tan, healthy, SINGLE and in LA!! What was a girl to do? Well let me tell you, I did what any red blooded American woman would do…..I went out and got laid. A lot. As much as possible. You could say I maaaaay have gone a little nuts. Okay, let's call a spade a spade, I was seriously out o' control. Dating a different guy every night, getting it anyway and from anyone I could. I was finally free and this sex starved little lady was up for just about anything. Including, it turns out, for some lesbian action.
Now just a casual little flirting from a close friend is where it really began. A friend who had been known to dip her cute little toes in the lesbian pool from time to time. We’ll call her Daisy. Now Daisy had insisted that I come meet her out to go dancing one night and per usual she was pretty tippsy when I arrived. Okay, that's a lie, she was totally hammered, and to my surprise, hell bent on taking me home. Now Daisy, I should tell you that this point was beyond gorgeous as well as wildly persistent and one thing was for sure, I wasn't about to stand in her way. I'll admit it, in the recent years, I had become a little curious, and if this girl wanted to take me home and have a little fun, I was all for it!!
And there you have it! ……..
What?? You wanted details? Oh no, not on the first blog. You will just have to stay tuned to find out what happened when Miss Daisy drove me home. All I can tell you is “I kissed a girl and I liked it!”
-Lesbian X
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