Blog #10
A typical morning for me goes as follows; wake up, pee, then drink a bottle of watermelon juice as I check emails, Myspace, and now OurChart. It was Saturday morning, the night after Truck Stop and, although, my head was a-pounding, this morning was no exception. I headed upstairs to the kitchen and grabbed my saving grace; one bottle of Evolution Watermelon Juice.
About 6 months had gone by since I moved into the last apartment I was in and, had now, just moved into a House in Weho. I had 2 boy roomies and 1 girl..…all straight. I felt a little funny checking The Chart at the communal laptop we shared in the upstairs office because, as I was still new to this whole lesbian thing and wasn’t entirely sure where it was headed, I failed to mention to them in the interview process that I was gay. Well, mostly because I had only been sure of it myself for a short time. I mean, all signs lead to Gayville but I needed to investigate further before I started using it as a disclaimer when being judged on my roommate worthiness and desirability. I was still figuring this whole thing out. I had all my life been attracted to men and although I was mainly interested in women at this point, I didn’t know how this whole adventure would pan out. Not to mention that I hadn’t, overnight, suddenly been stripped of my desire toward the opposite sex. It’s not like I went to the return isle in the sexuality department of Macy’s and traded in my hetero for homo like an ill-fitted sweater. It occured to me that I might be bi-sexual but who could know for sure?? Not exactly what you want to tell 3 strangers you are trying to rope into letting you live in their awesome house that is 5 minutes away from you work. “Hi, nice to meet you, I love the place…Oh, and by the way did I happen to mention that I am in the middle of a sexual identity crisis??“
No, no, no, I wasn’t about to drop that little jem of a bomb on the first meeting nor was I anxious to reveal my shameless routine of cruising lesbians on some cheesy networking site while drinking juice in my p.j.s. This was still my dirty little secret and I meant to keep it that way for the time being!
So, anyway, back to the pressing matter at hand i.e. my OurChart inbox or rather the thrill that a newly arrived message brought to every once of my being. So on this morning, this Saturday, when I opened my inbox to see a message from Alice I couldn’t have been more curious/ecstatic. There were only a couple pictures to go on but she seemed cute. She sent me a general “hey how’s it going” and mentioned some kind of common interest we had that she had noticed after reading my page. She seemed nice enough so I wrote her back, “What the heck?”’ I thought, it couldn’t hurt!
After initial contact I did the only thing I could do at this point to further investigate this new possible friend; I typed her name into myspace to see if cyber stalking would be a possibility. I needed more pictures to go on. I mean, I would like to think that I could make this connection based solely on the content of her character, but let’s face it, at the end of the day, you need a certain amount of pure physical attraction to keep things going. We were in our 20’s for god’s sake, not middle aged women searching for companionship. I was on the brink of my sexual prime and vain or not, I needed to know who I was dealing with. To my shear delight, her page came right up!
Lot’s and lot’s of pictures to go on and you better believe I looked through every single one. It’s always so hard to tell on these sights, though. It is a fair “given” that most people only post the most flattering pictures they have and just a reminder to all of you that have forgotten (as I know that myspace is like Latin, an outdated and dead medium) that unlike facebook, the only pictures on your page were the ones that YOU posted. None of this tagging non-sense existed at the time in question. So I did as thorough an investigation as I could in my post Friday night, Saturday morning hangover state of mind.
I couldn’t quite tell, she definitely had this sort of nerdy-cute thing happening which I was not opposed to and she seemed quite intelligent which was one more for the “go for it” tally. It also occurred to me that this didn’t have to be some grander than life, love affair that transpired. She could very well be a much needed, much appreciated actual friend. After all, I just had this incredible night with Michelle, not that I was ruling out other possibilities, but I liked her and hoped to see her again, so if Alice wanted to meet up for a drink it was no big deal. I wrote her back letting her know that I was in. I agreed to the meeting with the primary intention being to make a new buddy, what ended up happening, however is a different story all together!
-Lesbian X
Friday, August 20, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Where to next?
Blog # 9
“You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here”. Final call of the night voiced by bartenders and doormen alike. By 2am every bar in the city is crowed with it’s former patrons roaming aimlessly outside it’s doors asking their friends the aged old question, ”where to next?”And when completely shit faced and desperate, when the 3 to 4 hours of shameless drinking and debauchery are not enough, this question is also directed at pretty much anyone who will answer you back.
Well, this night, when the question was popped, we all decided to head back to Michelle’s place for a night cap and, more importantly, to put our alcohol intake/raging hormones to good use.
We all gathered in the living room trying to be quiet so not to wake Michelle’s roommate. This was impossible as we had all spent waaaaay to much time at the bar and , If I remember correctly, several shots of whiskey had been involved. Besides causing us to scream at several hundred octaves above our normal speaking voices this usually leads to either two things…..sex or food. Now you would think that after all the time I had spent wanting a follow up to my night with Daisy I would have been putting all efforts into sleeping with this girl. However, at the very mention of Chinese food I instantly aborted mission Michelle and was now only interested in one thing….stuffing myself with noodles. Somehow I had left the Sexy Zone entirely and was headed straight toward Fat Kid City.
All the longing and wondering, all the lonely nights spent on the couch in my pjs watching the L Word meant nothing in the face of the greasy left over chow mein that Michelle had in the fridge. And so I ate. I ate and I ate and I ate, and to my ultimate regret those stupid noodles did the exact opposite of what we’d been trying to accomplish all night. In one fell swoop they had entirely erased the $80 worth of booze I had inhaled. In other words I was stone cold sober. Yep…... Crap!
In the cool clear light of sobriety I was still interested in Michelle and definitely wanting to turn things up a notch from the teenage make out session we’d been reenacting all over Truck Stop. However, I suddenly realized that I was grossly unversed as to proper lesbian protocol. Now in the hetero world, the biggest mistake you can make is to sleep with a guy you like on the first date. You’re supposed to hold out until, at least, the third to ensure confidence in your non-slutty status as well as activate their Neanderthal “hunter” instincts. You gotta let them chase you a bit before you give up the goods.Or as my mother would like to think, you save your cookie until marriage.
Women are completely different species though. Women bond at lightning speed and lesbian’s especially have a reputation for combining households on the second date. Woman are natural nest builders, natural homemakers and when a spark ignites between two builders you are bound to find yourself in one immediate and well decorated nest.
All things taken into consideration, I decided it would be in my best interest to head home. It had been a long night….. I came, I saw, I conquered, I ate Chinese food and now I would graciously make my exit. I would need more time to know exactly how a first date should end in this world but, until then, I was going to ride this sober wave and err on the side of caution. When I got home and laid down in bed a sense of peace and wonderment rushed over what was now the new and improved me. This had been quite a journey so far, and I knew it was only the beginning.
-Lesbian X
“You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here”. Final call of the night voiced by bartenders and doormen alike. By 2am every bar in the city is crowed with it’s former patrons roaming aimlessly outside it’s doors asking their friends the aged old question, ”where to next?”And when completely shit faced and desperate, when the 3 to 4 hours of shameless drinking and debauchery are not enough, this question is also directed at pretty much anyone who will answer you back.
Well, this night, when the question was popped, we all decided to head back to Michelle’s place for a night cap and, more importantly, to put our alcohol intake/raging hormones to good use.
We all gathered in the living room trying to be quiet so not to wake Michelle’s roommate. This was impossible as we had all spent waaaaay to much time at the bar and , If I remember correctly, several shots of whiskey had been involved. Besides causing us to scream at several hundred octaves above our normal speaking voices this usually leads to either two things…..sex or food. Now you would think that after all the time I had spent wanting a follow up to my night with Daisy I would have been putting all efforts into sleeping with this girl. However, at the very mention of Chinese food I instantly aborted mission Michelle and was now only interested in one thing….stuffing myself with noodles. Somehow I had left the Sexy Zone entirely and was headed straight toward Fat Kid City.
All the longing and wondering, all the lonely nights spent on the couch in my pjs watching the L Word meant nothing in the face of the greasy left over chow mein that Michelle had in the fridge. And so I ate. I ate and I ate and I ate, and to my ultimate regret those stupid noodles did the exact opposite of what we’d been trying to accomplish all night. In one fell swoop they had entirely erased the $80 worth of booze I had inhaled. In other words I was stone cold sober. Yep…... Crap!
In the cool clear light of sobriety I was still interested in Michelle and definitely wanting to turn things up a notch from the teenage make out session we’d been reenacting all over Truck Stop. However, I suddenly realized that I was grossly unversed as to proper lesbian protocol. Now in the hetero world, the biggest mistake you can make is to sleep with a guy you like on the first date. You’re supposed to hold out until, at least, the third to ensure confidence in your non-slutty status as well as activate their Neanderthal “hunter” instincts. You gotta let them chase you a bit before you give up the goods.Or as my mother would like to think, you save your cookie until marriage.
Women are completely different species though. Women bond at lightning speed and lesbian’s especially have a reputation for combining households on the second date. Woman are natural nest builders, natural homemakers and when a spark ignites between two builders you are bound to find yourself in one immediate and well decorated nest.
All things taken into consideration, I decided it would be in my best interest to head home. It had been a long night….. I came, I saw, I conquered, I ate Chinese food and now I would graciously make my exit. I would need more time to know exactly how a first date should end in this world but, until then, I was going to ride this sober wave and err on the side of caution. When I got home and laid down in bed a sense of peace and wonderment rushed over what was now the new and improved me. This had been quite a journey so far, and I knew it was only the beginning.
-Lesbian X
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Ladies' Night
Blog #8
West Hollywood or WeHo as we like to refer to it is and, I assume, shall forever remain the Mecca of all things gay. Also know as “boys town” because, well…it’s streets are literally crawling with them. Gay men for decades have been flocking to the streets of West Hollywood, strutting their six packs and hard-ons, and tearing it up shirtless in the many bars that line it’s streets. So where are all the lesbians, you might ask?? Excellent question! The gay women of WeHo have, for decades, been tragically reduced to exactly 2 bars in the area. The Normandie Room (which existed at the time but is no-longer) and The Palms which, let’s face it, is not a desirable scene unless you have an affinity to the geriatric. All in all, equating to exactly zero lesbian bars you would ever consider stepping foot in.
So, while the boys have their pick of the litter on any given day, the girls have to gather weekly at which ever “ladies night” happens to be popular. Well, at this time, every lesbian in the tri-state area gathered together at Here bar Friday nights. United, they came to drink, mingle, and ultimately watch the half naked bartenders dance “Coyote Ugly” style atop the center bar.
Michelle and her friends were no exception.
We “strolled in” around 11:30pm which, if you’ve been to Truck Stop, is no easy task. As is at anywhere worth going to in LA, there is always a line. If you don’t have an “in” you either come early or wait impatiently in line and prepare to be exposed as the nobody you are. I hate to say it but lines are for the people they don’t really want in but have to as they will probably be the only ones buying drinks at the bar.
Entering Truck Stop with Michelle was a completely different experience then the last time I’d been there. I wasn’t the same little wall flower that hid in the corner. One by one Michelle introduced me to every girl she knew and she seemed to know EVERYONE. I was making friends left and right, chatting it up, cracking jokes, being one of them! It felt incredible. All my lesbian dreams were now bursting to fruition and the night wasn’t even half over yet. And the best part was Michelle seemed to really like me.
After grabbing another drink (or 2) at the bar, we headed straight for the dance floor. They were way past capacity as usual so Michelle and I were practically smashed up against each other in a seemingly endless sea of women. I don’t know if was the booze or the pure energy of the room but I was overcome with a pressing need to be even closer. I grabbed her cute little face, and as the room appeared to stand still for a moment, I closed my eyes, pressed her lips to mine and kissed her. And again, and again, and again. It all felt so natural, so perfectly in tune to everything I was supposed to be doing. I had been waiting for this kiss, this follow up moment to the night I’d spent with Daisy and here it was happening in way far beyond my wildest dreams.
Everything was perfect, the girl, the music, the night, the kiss, UNTIL…..
Until we got back to her place.
-Lesbian X
West Hollywood or WeHo as we like to refer to it is and, I assume, shall forever remain the Mecca of all things gay. Also know as “boys town” because, well…it’s streets are literally crawling with them. Gay men for decades have been flocking to the streets of West Hollywood, strutting their six packs and hard-ons, and tearing it up shirtless in the many bars that line it’s streets. So where are all the lesbians, you might ask?? Excellent question! The gay women of WeHo have, for decades, been tragically reduced to exactly 2 bars in the area. The Normandie Room (which existed at the time but is no-longer) and The Palms which, let’s face it, is not a desirable scene unless you have an affinity to the geriatric. All in all, equating to exactly zero lesbian bars you would ever consider stepping foot in.
So, while the boys have their pick of the litter on any given day, the girls have to gather weekly at which ever “ladies night” happens to be popular. Well, at this time, every lesbian in the tri-state area gathered together at Here bar Friday nights. United, they came to drink, mingle, and ultimately watch the half naked bartenders dance “Coyote Ugly” style atop the center bar.
Michelle and her friends were no exception.
We “strolled in” around 11:30pm which, if you’ve been to Truck Stop, is no easy task. As is at anywhere worth going to in LA, there is always a line. If you don’t have an “in” you either come early or wait impatiently in line and prepare to be exposed as the nobody you are. I hate to say it but lines are for the people they don’t really want in but have to as they will probably be the only ones buying drinks at the bar.
Entering Truck Stop with Michelle was a completely different experience then the last time I’d been there. I wasn’t the same little wall flower that hid in the corner. One by one Michelle introduced me to every girl she knew and she seemed to know EVERYONE. I was making friends left and right, chatting it up, cracking jokes, being one of them! It felt incredible. All my lesbian dreams were now bursting to fruition and the night wasn’t even half over yet. And the best part was Michelle seemed to really like me.
After grabbing another drink (or 2) at the bar, we headed straight for the dance floor. They were way past capacity as usual so Michelle and I were practically smashed up against each other in a seemingly endless sea of women. I don’t know if was the booze or the pure energy of the room but I was overcome with a pressing need to be even closer. I grabbed her cute little face, and as the room appeared to stand still for a moment, I closed my eyes, pressed her lips to mine and kissed her. And again, and again, and again. It all felt so natural, so perfectly in tune to everything I was supposed to be doing. I had been waiting for this kiss, this follow up moment to the night I’d spent with Daisy and here it was happening in way far beyond my wildest dreams.
Everything was perfect, the girl, the music, the night, the kiss, UNTIL…..
Until we got back to her place.
-Lesbian X
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
So, The Myth Was True......
Blog# 7
So my genius “reply” comment to Michelle had been sent out into the world, or cyber space as the case might be, and soon it would be invading her inbox, begging for approval. Once again, I would just have to sit back and wait to see what happens next. All I could hope for was that it would lead to an actual meeting/date/sex/I‘d settle for a friend. I needed an in to this secret tribe, to this alternative world, and I could tell Michelle was already a full fledged member.
Well long story short, the comment was a hit and eventual gateway to messaging….and the messaging was going well. We had established a connection and it was only a matter of time before we decided to meet face to lesbian face.
This went on for a couple days until one glorious Friday night. She inquired if I would be attending the Friday night girl party at Here Bar in West Hollywood, oh so appropriately named, "Truck Stop“. I had actually been once before to no avail with a couple of my gay boyfriends who insisted I check it out. It was nothing short of a complete and total disaster as I was uncomfortable the entire time. I couldn’t help it, I felt like an outsider....like they were all looking at me and wondering what the hell I was doing there. Like any second I was going to be exposed for the imposter I was and thrown out on the street for crashing their private party. So I did what any other spineless whimp would do; Chalked it up to a loss and headed to Fiesta Cantina across the street to get drunk with the boys.
But that was then and this was now, I might be willing to give that place another shot. Things had changed since then and now I had a greater purpose. I was on a mission of sorts. That’s right, a love mission and this little soldier came to win!
I let Michelle know that I was new to the scene and didn’t really have a crew in tact so she graciously invited me to meet up with hers. We met earlier in the night at El Compadre, an old school Mexican restaurant in Hollywood, and a regular dinner spot of mine. I walked in confidently, I had the home court advantage after all. This was a place I knew well, this was familiar ground and, even better, this was a sexually neutral zone.
I strolled in around 9:30 p.m. and headed over to the table where everyone was already seated. I sized up the booth, took a head count and a deep breath. Five girls were in attendance. That left four other women I had to win over on top of charming my way into Michelle’s pants. Tonight, I was up for the challenge, I had a air of bravado that was lacking in my last Truck Stop experience, this time I had Michelle on my side. Not to mention a shot of tequila I had at home which really seemed to take the edge off….. that had been an excellent idea.
I sat down, relaxed and equipped with positive thinking. These were just lesbians after all not Al Qaeda, how hard could this really be?? The waitress came over and I ordered the house special, a flaming margarita. I needed just a little more amo before I left the trenches and headed into battle.
Armed with a spectacular buzz, I went to work on these ladies. I called upon every last bit of charm I could muster up and forward marched.
In true dyke fashion, two of the girls at the table were Michelle’s ex-girlfriends. One there with her new lady in tow. So the myth was true….huh? I had always thought that was an Urban Legend much like the second date U haul. But there they were, all together on a Friday night sharing a bowl of guacamole and shooting the breeze. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my entire 20 some odd years. All the ingredients for an uncomfortable evening but the crazy thing was we were all having a great time! I was liking these girls and I was definitely cruching on Michelle. If this was any indication of the night to come, I was in for the time of my life!
-Lesbian X
So my genius “reply” comment to Michelle had been sent out into the world, or cyber space as the case might be, and soon it would be invading her inbox, begging for approval. Once again, I would just have to sit back and wait to see what happens next. All I could hope for was that it would lead to an actual meeting/date/sex/I‘d settle for a friend. I needed an in to this secret tribe, to this alternative world, and I could tell Michelle was already a full fledged member.
Well long story short, the comment was a hit and eventual gateway to messaging….and the messaging was going well. We had established a connection and it was only a matter of time before we decided to meet face to lesbian face.
This went on for a couple days until one glorious Friday night. She inquired if I would be attending the Friday night girl party at Here Bar in West Hollywood, oh so appropriately named, "Truck Stop“. I had actually been once before to no avail with a couple of my gay boyfriends who insisted I check it out. It was nothing short of a complete and total disaster as I was uncomfortable the entire time. I couldn’t help it, I felt like an outsider....like they were all looking at me and wondering what the hell I was doing there. Like any second I was going to be exposed for the imposter I was and thrown out on the street for crashing their private party. So I did what any other spineless whimp would do; Chalked it up to a loss and headed to Fiesta Cantina across the street to get drunk with the boys.
But that was then and this was now, I might be willing to give that place another shot. Things had changed since then and now I had a greater purpose. I was on a mission of sorts. That’s right, a love mission and this little soldier came to win!
I let Michelle know that I was new to the scene and didn’t really have a crew in tact so she graciously invited me to meet up with hers. We met earlier in the night at El Compadre, an old school Mexican restaurant in Hollywood, and a regular dinner spot of mine. I walked in confidently, I had the home court advantage after all. This was a place I knew well, this was familiar ground and, even better, this was a sexually neutral zone.
I strolled in around 9:30 p.m. and headed over to the table where everyone was already seated. I sized up the booth, took a head count and a deep breath. Five girls were in attendance. That left four other women I had to win over on top of charming my way into Michelle’s pants. Tonight, I was up for the challenge, I had a air of bravado that was lacking in my last Truck Stop experience, this time I had Michelle on my side. Not to mention a shot of tequila I had at home which really seemed to take the edge off….. that had been an excellent idea.
I sat down, relaxed and equipped with positive thinking. These were just lesbians after all not Al Qaeda, how hard could this really be?? The waitress came over and I ordered the house special, a flaming margarita. I needed just a little more amo before I left the trenches and headed into battle.
Armed with a spectacular buzz, I went to work on these ladies. I called upon every last bit of charm I could muster up and forward marched.
In true dyke fashion, two of the girls at the table were Michelle’s ex-girlfriends. One there with her new lady in tow. So the myth was true….huh? I had always thought that was an Urban Legend much like the second date U haul. But there they were, all together on a Friday night sharing a bowl of guacamole and shooting the breeze. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my entire 20 some odd years. All the ingredients for an uncomfortable evening but the crazy thing was we were all having a great time! I was liking these girls and I was definitely cruching on Michelle. If this was any indication of the night to come, I was in for the time of my life!
-Lesbian X
Saturday, July 31, 2010
The Comment
Blog #6
So like I said, I may not have struck gold right away, but I think the lesbian gods were watching over me in my new venture as at least one or two girls accepted my OurChart friend request. Halleluiah! What I intended to do once they accepted, however, was beyond me. I really hadn’t thought it out that far….Whoops. Then, out of no where, one of my “new friends” who we’ll call, Michelle, oh so gallantly took the reigns and, quite frankly, in my opinion, upped the ante! Michelle had done the unthinkable. She out right requested my attendance on her Myspace page. What?? Wow! The privacy and single sexdom of the Chart was one thing, but MYSPACE.!!?? Now that was a different story all together. That was taking things to a whole other level. Our interactions and flirty comments would be there in black and white (or what ever color she happened to have to pimped her profile out to) for all friends; hetero and homo sexual to see.
Now I had just realized that I was definitely into girls but what I hadn’t quite yet determined was what I was going to say to my friends, which is odd because I live in an extremely progressive city. Los Angeles was a city where anything goes. Where as long as you’re either attractive, rich or famous you could pretty much get away with anything. A city who’s main source of survival was the entertainment industry and if you weren’t gay you were practically a minority. So why was I so concerned with what other people might think? Was it my Christian upbringing? No way, I never really bought into to any of that crap anyway. Was it my parent’s attitude toward the gay community? I don’t know? They certainly weren’t homophobic to my knowledge but I guess it’s a different matter when it’s your own child, right? Then why was I a little scared to mention this new found revelation to my nearest and dearest?
This need for secrecy, I decided, was something that was of no use or good to me at this point in time AND an issue I would have to explore in therapy at a later date. I’ll let a shrink figure my bullshit out, right now I have some lesbian tail to chase. This girl was cute and I would be crazy not to go for it. This was the big time and I wasn’t about to shy away now. I pressed “accept” wholeheartedly with an ”I don’t care who knows I ‘m gay” shield held up proudly in front of my American Apparel Deep V. Tag you’re it!
And so I waited…it was her turn to make the next move or at least I was too chicken. Then one afternoon, I casually logged into my account ….and there it was...... A Myspace comment!!! Michelle had done her part and then some. And it was funny!! I was equal parts amused and panicked. It all seemed so simple to the un-trained eye. Just comment her back, you idiot! But I knew that this was far more complicated. If I ever wanted see her outside of cyber space I had to see her wit and raise her one wildly charming reply. I turned the matter over to the right side of my brain and searched it’s contents for the perfect retort. Thanks to Coffee Bean and the soy vanilla latte I’d just inhaled, my brain was moving at lightning speed. All of a sudden it came to me.... I had the winning reply. It was simple but perfect and so, proudly, I typed it into the designated box. With a new found sense of pride and certainty I moved the cursor over and pressed “send“. Mission accomplished, if this didn’t get me a date I didn’t know what would.
So like I said, I may not have struck gold right away, but I think the lesbian gods were watching over me in my new venture as at least one or two girls accepted my OurChart friend request. Halleluiah! What I intended to do once they accepted, however, was beyond me. I really hadn’t thought it out that far….Whoops. Then, out of no where, one of my “new friends” who we’ll call, Michelle, oh so gallantly took the reigns and, quite frankly, in my opinion, upped the ante! Michelle had done the unthinkable. She out right requested my attendance on her Myspace page. What?? Wow! The privacy and single sexdom of the Chart was one thing, but MYSPACE.!!?? Now that was a different story all together. That was taking things to a whole other level. Our interactions and flirty comments would be there in black and white (or what ever color she happened to have to pimped her profile out to) for all friends; hetero and homo sexual to see.
Now I had just realized that I was definitely into girls but what I hadn’t quite yet determined was what I was going to say to my friends, which is odd because I live in an extremely progressive city. Los Angeles was a city where anything goes. Where as long as you’re either attractive, rich or famous you could pretty much get away with anything. A city who’s main source of survival was the entertainment industry and if you weren’t gay you were practically a minority. So why was I so concerned with what other people might think? Was it my Christian upbringing? No way, I never really bought into to any of that crap anyway. Was it my parent’s attitude toward the gay community? I don’t know? They certainly weren’t homophobic to my knowledge but I guess it’s a different matter when it’s your own child, right? Then why was I a little scared to mention this new found revelation to my nearest and dearest?
This need for secrecy, I decided, was something that was of no use or good to me at this point in time AND an issue I would have to explore in therapy at a later date. I’ll let a shrink figure my bullshit out, right now I have some lesbian tail to chase. This girl was cute and I would be crazy not to go for it. This was the big time and I wasn’t about to shy away now. I pressed “accept” wholeheartedly with an ”I don’t care who knows I ‘m gay” shield held up proudly in front of my American Apparel Deep V. Tag you’re it!
And so I waited…it was her turn to make the next move or at least I was too chicken. Then one afternoon, I casually logged into my account ….and there it was...... A Myspace comment!!! Michelle had done her part and then some. And it was funny!! I was equal parts amused and panicked. It all seemed so simple to the un-trained eye. Just comment her back, you idiot! But I knew that this was far more complicated. If I ever wanted see her outside of cyber space I had to see her wit and raise her one wildly charming reply. I turned the matter over to the right side of my brain and searched it’s contents for the perfect retort. Thanks to Coffee Bean and the soy vanilla latte I’d just inhaled, my brain was moving at lightning speed. All of a sudden it came to me.... I had the winning reply. It was simple but perfect and so, proudly, I typed it into the designated box. With a new found sense of pride and certainty I moved the cursor over and pressed “send“. Mission accomplished, if this didn’t get me a date I didn’t know what would.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Chart
Blog #5
The L Word. It took all of 5 minutes and I was hooked. Sucked in by these women and their …..I don’t know…everything!!! I loved everything about them. I wanted to either know them, be them, sleep with them, live next door to them and I sure as hell wanted to hang out at the Planet with them. I watched episode after episode, until I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and the second I woke up in the morning, I watched some more! All of the uncertainty I felt after sleeping with Daisy was shattered in one 50 min episode and the question now was….what was I going to do about it?? How was I going to get myself a piece of that life? And so, after I watched all of the 3 seasons that had aired at this point, I gathered as much courage as I could muster up and joined a short lived social networking system called “Our Chart”. Oh yeah, that’s right, I did it… and I’d do it again!!
For those of you reading that may have been living under a rock or were possibly trapped in some third world, Showtime-less country during that time, “Our Chart” was an L Word plot line turned actual lesbian networking site. On the show it was a way for Alice to show the connections between her circle of friends with any and all other lesbian circles that happened to exist. A social experiment if you will, a gay six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Type in someone’s name and see how many people it takes to connect you to that person.
In real life, though, it was an easy way to pick up chicks and I couldn’t sign up fast enough. This was my ticket in, this was a sure fire way to manifest my own circle of friends. It’s tough when you’re first starting out. You don’t anyone, you don’t know where to hang out, where to go to meet girls, find love, get laid. Especially if you aren’t a totally obvious dyke (or T.O.D as I like to refer to them). To the outside world I was perceived as an ordinary heterosexual female. There was nothing about me that screamed gay. No trendy short hair cut, no American Apparel unisex underwear, I didn't wear ties, and I certainly didn't drive a Subaru.
I had awkwardly browsed a few lesbian bars here and there but the reality was, I was way to shy to talk to anyone I found even remotely attractive. If I was going to do this, the internet was the perfect starting point!
So, the second that site was launched, I eagerly put together the most alluring yet non-desperate Chart profile I could. Man, I couldn’t wait for the babes to start rollin in and my new life to start. It was only a matter of time before I too was living in a financially unrealistic, West Hollywood craftsman with a hot sexually androgynous roommate. It was only matter of time before I was living next to my very own Bette and Tina. I couldn’t wait to meet up with all my friends who, oddly enough, seemed to take coffee breaks at the same time during the middle of the work day at our favorite café/night club. Yep, it was only a matter of time until I to was living the Weho lesbian dream. …….Or so I thought. This proved to be a little bit trickier than I had originally anticipated. I didn’t exactly hit the jackpot right away. There was no magical brand new lesbian life equipped with my favorite L Word character counterparts. There wasn’t a message inbox full of invitations from Marina or Alice look a likes, no Dana’s a knockin to be my new bff, and definitely no Shane McCutcheons to fall in love with even though I knew they would smash my heart into a million pieces. Nope, this whole chart idea I had was a good one but it wasn’t going to be an over night success. I did, however, at least manage to get a few cute girls to accept my friend request (whoo hoo) and one of them, much to my shear joy and relief, lead to an actual, bonafied, real live night out with a girl. SCORE!!!!
-Lesbian X
The L Word. It took all of 5 minutes and I was hooked. Sucked in by these women and their …..I don’t know…everything!!! I loved everything about them. I wanted to either know them, be them, sleep with them, live next door to them and I sure as hell wanted to hang out at the Planet with them. I watched episode after episode, until I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and the second I woke up in the morning, I watched some more! All of the uncertainty I felt after sleeping with Daisy was shattered in one 50 min episode and the question now was….what was I going to do about it?? How was I going to get myself a piece of that life? And so, after I watched all of the 3 seasons that had aired at this point, I gathered as much courage as I could muster up and joined a short lived social networking system called “Our Chart”. Oh yeah, that’s right, I did it… and I’d do it again!!
For those of you reading that may have been living under a rock or were possibly trapped in some third world, Showtime-less country during that time, “Our Chart” was an L Word plot line turned actual lesbian networking site. On the show it was a way for Alice to show the connections between her circle of friends with any and all other lesbian circles that happened to exist. A social experiment if you will, a gay six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Type in someone’s name and see how many people it takes to connect you to that person.
In real life, though, it was an easy way to pick up chicks and I couldn’t sign up fast enough. This was my ticket in, this was a sure fire way to manifest my own circle of friends. It’s tough when you’re first starting out. You don’t anyone, you don’t know where to hang out, where to go to meet girls, find love, get laid. Especially if you aren’t a totally obvious dyke (or T.O.D as I like to refer to them). To the outside world I was perceived as an ordinary heterosexual female. There was nothing about me that screamed gay. No trendy short hair cut, no American Apparel unisex underwear, I didn't wear ties, and I certainly didn't drive a Subaru.
I had awkwardly browsed a few lesbian bars here and there but the reality was, I was way to shy to talk to anyone I found even remotely attractive. If I was going to do this, the internet was the perfect starting point!
So, the second that site was launched, I eagerly put together the most alluring yet non-desperate Chart profile I could. Man, I couldn’t wait for the babes to start rollin in and my new life to start. It was only a matter of time before I too was living in a financially unrealistic, West Hollywood craftsman with a hot sexually androgynous roommate. It was only matter of time before I was living next to my very own Bette and Tina. I couldn’t wait to meet up with all my friends who, oddly enough, seemed to take coffee breaks at the same time during the middle of the work day at our favorite café/night club. Yep, it was only a matter of time until I to was living the Weho lesbian dream. …….Or so I thought. This proved to be a little bit trickier than I had originally anticipated. I didn’t exactly hit the jackpot right away. There was no magical brand new lesbian life equipped with my favorite L Word character counterparts. There wasn’t a message inbox full of invitations from Marina or Alice look a likes, no Dana’s a knockin to be my new bff, and definitely no Shane McCutcheons to fall in love with even though I knew they would smash my heart into a million pieces. Nope, this whole chart idea I had was a good one but it wasn’t going to be an over night success. I did, however, at least manage to get a few cute girls to accept my friend request (whoo hoo) and one of them, much to my shear joy and relief, lead to an actual, bonafied, real live night out with a girl. SCORE!!!!
-Lesbian X
Saturday, July 24, 2010
The Shane Factor…. Realized
Blog #4
“The Boys Wanna be her, the Girls Wanna be her”, famous last words sung by Peaches during, what in my opinion, was the best moment in television history and quite possibly, my entire life. I am talking, of course, about the infamous L Word scene in which Shane, played by the electric Kate Moennig, shoots an add for Hugo Boss in nothing but a pair of boy's tighty whiteys and a smirk.
Now during the 6 seasons that show was on the air, The Falcon, a Hollywood night Club on Sunset Blvd., had a viewing party every Sunday in which they played the newest episode of the show. That was where I saw this magical scene and gift to the world for the very first time.
We all sat watching one of the 3 screens that aired the show with our jaws dropped open and our hearts pounding. We were hypnotized, mesmerized as she moved and posed for the camera in her underwear. Her body was perfection. She was sexy as all fucking hell and if she wasn’t already the reason why no girl would ever be good enough for you , she was about to be.
This is a little something I call “The Shane Factor” and she, along with the rest of the cast, were to be the awakening I had been waiting for.
It all started of innocently enough, I had spent the last 2 days moving into my new apartment across from The Roosevelt Hotel and was too exhausted to do anything other than veg out. I lied on my bed and decided to take advantage of every indulgence provided by cable TV. I casually browsed through the On Demand menu until, at last, I struck gold. The L Word huh? Hmmmm….I had seen billboards around town….that’s the show about lesbians. INTERESTING. Would it be totally creepy and weird of me to watch it alone in my room? I mean, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Was there going to be outright girl on girl action? I was kind of embarrassed considering my conquest with Daisy which had happened about 6 months before but then I thought to myself, “what the hell“. It’s not like I had just popped in a porno, this was Showtime for god’s sake!! This was a reputable, award winning network and, therefore, completely socially acceptable. And so, in the privacy of my own room, behind a securely locked door (I know because I checked about 50 times) …… I pushed play……
What happened next literally changed my life forever. If I had ever had any doubts, if I were ever to play off Daisy as a mere sexual experimentation, I was about to know 100 percent for sure that I was totally and completely gay.
-Lesbian X
“The Boys Wanna be her, the Girls Wanna be her”, famous last words sung by Peaches during, what in my opinion, was the best moment in television history and quite possibly, my entire life. I am talking, of course, about the infamous L Word scene in which Shane, played by the electric Kate Moennig, shoots an add for Hugo Boss in nothing but a pair of boy's tighty whiteys and a smirk.
Now during the 6 seasons that show was on the air, The Falcon, a Hollywood night Club on Sunset Blvd., had a viewing party every Sunday in which they played the newest episode of the show. That was where I saw this magical scene and gift to the world for the very first time.
We all sat watching one of the 3 screens that aired the show with our jaws dropped open and our hearts pounding. We were hypnotized, mesmerized as she moved and posed for the camera in her underwear. Her body was perfection. She was sexy as all fucking hell and if she wasn’t already the reason why no girl would ever be good enough for you , she was about to be.
This is a little something I call “The Shane Factor” and she, along with the rest of the cast, were to be the awakening I had been waiting for.
It all started of innocently enough, I had spent the last 2 days moving into my new apartment across from The Roosevelt Hotel and was too exhausted to do anything other than veg out. I lied on my bed and decided to take advantage of every indulgence provided by cable TV. I casually browsed through the On Demand menu until, at last, I struck gold. The L Word huh? Hmmmm….I had seen billboards around town….that’s the show about lesbians. INTERESTING. Would it be totally creepy and weird of me to watch it alone in my room? I mean, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Was there going to be outright girl on girl action? I was kind of embarrassed considering my conquest with Daisy which had happened about 6 months before but then I thought to myself, “what the hell“. It’s not like I had just popped in a porno, this was Showtime for god’s sake!! This was a reputable, award winning network and, therefore, completely socially acceptable. And so, in the privacy of my own room, behind a securely locked door (I know because I checked about 50 times) …… I pushed play……
What happened next literally changed my life forever. If I had ever had any doubts, if I were ever to play off Daisy as a mere sexual experimentation, I was about to know 100 percent for sure that I was totally and completely gay.
-Lesbian X
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